Love Knows No Bound(ries): Falling for a Foreign Hottie

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The world is getting smaller. The combination of an increasingly rapid advancement of technology and the expansion of the global market has created a world in which…blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. We’ve all heard this before, and quite frankly, it’s old news. The real story isn’t the world getting smaller, it’s the fact that the dating scene is getting bigger.

With the growing popularity of studying abroad and the numerous travel opportunities presented to students the chances of meeting your soul-mate are getting better. We’re no longer stuck scouring classes, the library, or a bar for potential hook-ups; given a couple of months overseas (or weeks in some cases) and a cursory understanding of a foreign language the number of places to meet the next Mr. or Mrs. Right are almost endless. Read More »

Dear Squinty-Eyed Pig Face Girl

squinty pig Dear Squinty-Eyed Pig Face Girl,

We haven’t known each other long, in fact we may never see each other again, but I feel the need to give you a little warning. I know you’re young and having fun, but a few of the things you do make you seem a little desperate, and that might get you a bad reputation.

I met you last night at the hot tub in our apartment complex, and I’m pretty sure you don’t remember very much of what happened there. Your face was abnormally small and took up a much smaller percentage of your head than a normal person’s. And as much as that scared me, it wasn’t the worst thing about you.

My roommates and I were relaxing after the bar, drinking a few beers and having a enjoying a soak– and then you showed up. Read More »

Nick Fury, Pick a Race!

nick furyWhether you watch the last two minutes of Iron Man after the credits, or you’ve been reading comics for years, you know that Nick Fury has been going through an identity crisis for a while. The now former head of S.H.I.E.L.D. has flipped between races more than Mariah Carey.

Old-school Nick Fury is a white dude with a little bit of grey setting in on the sides; a quasi-Paulie-Walnuts from the Sopranos look. In the “Ultimate” comic series, Nick Fury is actually modeled after Samuel L. Jackson. Marvel confirmed that he was the model and inspiration for the new incarnation of the bad-boy comic legend.

The real question is – which one is it?

I know there are different story arcs and anything goes, but I feel like this is a motivated by a quest to be politically correct. I agree that there aren’t too many bad-ass black superheroes (story to come), but I truly think Nick is a white dude. Think of it this way – in the comics, Nick Fury is one of the most powerful/influential characters in the world. Do you think the Conservative Republicans of the Marvel Universe would EVER let a black dude have that much power? I think not.

Even better question, what about an arc with an asian Nick Fury? WTF?

Nick Fury should:

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COED Vault: Mezcal: Mexico’s Other Bad Drink (AKA: How to Ruin a Family Vacation)

Mezcal Everyone I’ve ever met has a dark past with tequila. Just the mention of it makes their face go sour–the shots, the smell, the blinding drunk, and a hellacious hangover the next morning. For some reason, I am not one of those people. But after my family vacation to Mexico last week, I learned a bit about another South-of-the-Border brew: Mezcal.

Like tequila (which is actually a type of mezcal), mezcal is made from agave, a cactus-like plant, native to Mexico. Mezcals are often aged, in oak barrels, for two months to seven years, giving the alcohol a brown coloration and woody flavor, but are available un-aged and clear.

Connoisseurs will tell you the best mezcals come from the Mexican state of Oaxaca (wah-hock-ah). To fully enjoy the complexities of this subtle liquor, go to the city of Oaxaca, the state’s capital, who’s colonial architecture and friendly people only add to the liquor’s historic mystic. Read More »

What’s Better Than Porn? Ex-porn.

itsnotporn13.jpgOk, so maybe it’s not really “better.” But it’s definitely funnier. Basically, a genius took to photoshopping porn pics to make them not porn anymore. (Hence “ex-porn.”)

Why we didn’t think of this, I will never know. (I guess none of us are geniuses.) But someone did, which is all that really matters.

Sure, the photoshop skills are comically bad. And they really don’t hide that much, if you have a functioning imagination. But anyone who would put a significant amount of time into taking the porn out of porn must be a total dumbass.

Check out the full gallery here!

[Big-up to Fleshbot for throwing this our way]

From the Bar to the Grave: Man Orders Custom Beer Can Coffin

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There are good ideas, and then there’s this idea. As FoxNews.com reports, Bill Bramanti, from South Chicago Heights, Illinois recently purchased a custom-made Pabst Blue Ribbon coffin, for himself.

Designed to look exactly like a can of PBR, the 67-year-old, who shouldn’t need the box for a long while, refuses to save enjoyment of the casket till death. Instead, he filled the thing with ice and, of course, PBR and had a freakin’ party. “Why put such a great novelty piece up on a shelf in storage,” said Bramanti’s daughter, Cathy, “when you could use it only the way Bill Bramanti would use it?” Read More »

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What Would Jesus Drink: Ohio Church Takes Service To Bar

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God may have gotten a few things right. But this week, the god-fearing people of (my home-state) Ohio may have bested the best. According to the Associated Press newswire, the Country Rock Church traded in their pews for bar-stools, and increased the Communion glasses to a pint, in an attempt to draw-in “unconventional” crowds. Read More »

Nude Moms Go Into Debt Making Calendars

Mom CalendarIn the cut-throat world of naked old lady calendars, it’s really the luck of the draw — or not being old/attractive enough for anyone to want one.

Citing the success of a group of British women, who “made more than a million pounds and worldwide headlines when they came up with the idea of a discreet nude calendar for 2000 to raise money for leukemia research.

Their story was made into a hit movie, Calendar Girls; a group of middle age women from Spain did the same, and are now $16,000 in debt.

From the AP/MSNBC.com article:

Seven middle-aged Spanish mothers who posed for a tongue-in-cheek nude calendar — a fundraiser for their children’s tiny, rural school — are now saddled with debt and 5,000 unwanted copies.

One of the photos shows the mothers with Christmas tinsel as their only garb — no private parts on view. Other goofy poses include a shotgun-toting mother wearing only a fox pelt and kneeling on a table, and another shows a woman covering her body with a red umbrella on a picnic table.

Five thousand unwanted copies, huh? Well, since they aren’t recyclable, I’d say just stand outside an AARP convention, and call it a day.

If that doesn’t work, look on the bright side: You use the euro, and there are seven of you.

Masturbate Often, Prevent Prostate Cancer

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Since the beginning of the Catholic Church (at least…I suck at history), men have been hindered, ridiculed, shunned and bludgeoned for their masturbating escapades. But no more!

BBC News reports today that regular masturbation clears the man’s system of cancer-causing fluids, reducing the risk of prostate cancer.

From the article:

Australian researchers questioned over 1,000 men who had developed prostate cancer and 1,250 who had not about their sexual habits.

They found those who had ejaculated the most between the ages of 20 and 50 were the least likely to develop the cancer.

The protective effect was greatest while the men were in their 20s.

Men who ejaculated more than five times a week were a third less likely to develop prostate cancer later in life.

Read More »