Forget birthday songs and up-blown skirts. The New York Post reported today that still-FBI-classified footage of Marilyn Monroe performing oral sex on an “unidentified man” recently sold for $1.5 million to a New York businessman.

The silent, black-and-white, 15-minute clip, shot on 16-mm film in the 1950’s, was discovered by Keya Morgan, a well-known memorabilia broker, while he was doing research for a Monroe documentary. A former FBI-agent tipped him off to the “French-like” film.

From the article:

The footage appears to have been shot in the 1950s. When it came to light in the mid-’60s, then-FBI Director J. Edgar Hoover had his agents spend two weeks futilely trying to prove that Monroe’s sex partner was either John F. Kennedy or Robert F. Kennedy, according to declassified agency documents and interviews, Morgan said.

The silent black-and-white flick shows Monroe on her knees in front of a man whose face is just out of the shot.

He never moves into the shot, indicating that he knew the camera was there, but Monroe never looks at the lens, said Morgan, who saw the footage.

But don’t expect the bombshell BJ to show up on YouPorn (NSFW) any time soon.

According to Morgan, “[The buyer] said, ‘I’m not going to make a Paris Hilton out of her. I’m not going to sell it, out of respect.’”

Ah, respect. And I thought that was a thing of the past.