Britney Spears: Blackout Review

Britney Spears BlackoutI’m an equal-opportunity reviewer. Top 40 pop is hardly my favorite kind of music, but gimme (gimme) a well-crafted album of well-produced pop and I”ll find nothing but praise for it.

Britney Spears has seen more resurgences and backlashes than any pop star not named Michael Jackson. From losing custody of her kids to her disembodied performance at the VMAs, Brit has been an overexposed part of pop-culture that we cannot run away from…no matter how hard we try.

So, Blackout: it’s low-energy, manufactured trash. To hate Britney Spears the Person is commonplace and expected; but hating Britney Spears the Artist - “artist” has never sounded so poor - sparks violent criticism from the lowest depths of the music-listening community: teenyboppers.

“It’s supposed to be fun! Don’t take it too seriously!”

Blackout plays out like a Gwen Stefani solo album, two-years too late with one-nineteenth the creativity. New-wave posturing and cold, brittle beatwork play the foreground to Spears’ oblivious lyrics. In “Piece of Me” Spears ignorantly speaks out on the paps, half-singing, “I’m Miss bad media karma/Another day another drama/Guess I can’t see no harm/In working and being a mama.” Ignorance is bliss for jaded pop stars out of touch with reality.

It didn’t have to be this way. Spears’ life up to this point has been chock-full of drama that deserved to be aired-out properly. Even without the talent she could’ve spoke out in a more honest manner. Instead we are left with boo-hoo hoedowns (”Gimme More”), half-baked Lil’ Jon retreads (”Break the Ice”) and synth-hop straight from ‘01 (”Toy Soldier”). “Ooh Ooh Baby” even cribs its verse melody from The Turtles’ pop classic “Happy Together.”

If most pop-tarts make albums strictly “for the fans” Spears has released an album tailor-made for her audience: starry-eyed attention-wh*res who aspire to make a career with the aid of production teams and tabloid fodder. Shame is the new fame.

8 Comments

  1. wack attack says :

    sadly this album is gonna do very well

  2. charles in charge says :

    it may do well but that still doesn’t change the fact that her vagina is more cavernous than the grand canyon

  3. Timothy Leary, LSD says :

    That piss-poor cover should indicate any bozo that the contents inside are as air-brushed and dull as Spears’ personality.

  4. bridget says :

    what is wrong with you poeple. u guys are horrible. her album is gunna do fuckin awesome. and i wont be ashamed to have it in my CD case. Can’t wait!!!

  5. Emi says :

    I’m all for a good, shimmery, dancable pop album. This album just has none of those components. No one could dance to this before their fourth drink because any discernible beat is hidden behind embarrassing slurred vocals and lackluster keyboards.

    FYI, reviewing an album before you hear it is kind of a dumb idea.

  6. Kimmy says :

    I LOVE HERRRR

  7. Melanie says :

    u guys r all nutz cuz guess what? whether she made a new CD or didn’t, she would still suck and she still does

  8. LiLo says :

    THIS ALBUM IS DEFINETLY THE BEST ALBUM OF THE WORLD!
    I LOVE BRITNEY!!
    GIMME MORE BRITNEY SPEARS!!!
    LETS BUY BRITNEY’S ALBUM “BLACKOUT”

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