Kentucky State Senator Ernie Chambers plans on suing God to prove a point about frivolous lawsuits. In return, God plans on splitting Chambers’ head open with a lightning bolt to prove a point about dumbass statements. (KETV)

Ex-teacher at Plymouth Christian Academy faces sex charges, accused of having sex with her 15-year-old student. Somebody find this “poor boy” and give him the “Luckiest Kid in the World” award. Niiiiiiice! (Detroit News)

Not niiiiiiice: an assistant U.S. attorney from Florida arrested in an Internet sting operation after flying to Michigan to have sex with a 5-year-old girl. Yes, that’s right - a 5-year-old. Five. (Breitbart)

Earthtimes is at it again, boggling minds worldwide with amazing factoids such as this: “If seeking a mate or sizing up a potential rival, good-looking people capture people’s attention in a half of a second.” Wow. Eureka. (Earthtimes)

A lesbian couple in Australia is suing their doctor $400,000 for having twin girls after he implanted two embryos instead of one in the birth mother. I personally can’t wait until one of the twins finds out they’re a mistake that mommy and mommy didn’t want. Yay for Girl Power! (News.com)