Pittsburgh moron first tries to cash in a $1 million dollar bill at a local shop, then proceeds to reach for the store’s scanner gun to retaliate when it’s not accepted. What, is this guy from the year 2066 or something? (Pittsburgh Tribune)

Svedka Vodka: a favorite among jobless, useless New York socialites. (College Candy)

Caution to every male in the United States: if you drink and swear around kids in public you will get arrested. I guess “fun” has been banned in Florida. (Herald Tribune)

According to statistics teacher’s verbal abuse leads to early sex. So, kids - wanna get laid? Get in trouble more often at school. Duh. (The Star)

Cocaine washed ashore has been quite the catch for poor fishermen. (Guardian)