When Stephen Colbert announced his candidacy for President earlier this week it generated a wave of excitement. However, there’s one problem with Stephen; he’s not enough of a scumbag to be a politician. America needs someone who doesn’t care.

We need someone who speaks to the common man. We need someone who instead of using prepared statements by focus group, tells it like it is. That is why I nominate everyone’s favorite self proclaimed, meaty-breasted zilch, Jim Norton for President of the United States.

Born in New Jersey, Jim had an idyllic childhood frolicking with his friends and playing his favorite game, “Monster Rainâ€?. It was from these beginnings that Jim discovered he could make people laugh and began a career as a stand up comedian.

Norton’s stand up garnered critical acclaim for its raunchiness and brutal honesty. He performs every morning on The Opie and Anthony Show and just recently in his own HBO special. In 2003, Jim accepted the honor of performing for our soldiers in Iraq. His honesty, integrity (or lack there of), and Patriotism are the reasons Jim Norton should be the next President.

As President Jim Norton will take care of issues that matter, there won’t be anytime wasted with Parent Groups that are upset with violence and indecency on TV and the radio. President Norton will tell them to “drop deadâ€? and that will be the end of it.

Global Warming? Jimmy loves it. He loves fast food and loves not going to the gym.

Foreign Policy-wise Good Ole’ Jim can end the War on Terror by opening a dialogue with militant Muslims and teaching them to put down those bombs and fire off an angry email. If that fails then he’ll let his Secretary of State Anthony Cumia handle it. Lets see you open your mouth now, Ahmandinejad!

As for poverty issues, Mr. Norton cares about the poor, just ask any young lady prowling he streets of Rio and that can attest that he is a “fine fellaâ€? and pays well.

So when you go to vote in the primaries, don’t vote for the regular douchebags, vote for Jim Norton, because at least you know what you’re getting!

To learn more about Jim Norton or purchase his CD’s go to www.eatabullet.com, www.foundrymusic.com, and www.opieandanthony.com.