Tom Hanks, 51, has a real down-to-earth, normal MySpace page, complete with tell-all blogs and video. And get this: he pimped out his profile all by himself! You know something’s wrong with the world when Tom Hanks is the second most-famous “Tom” on MySpace.

To safeguard yourself from knocking-up your girl turn to the Lady Comp, a device that detects if a girl is ovulating or not. It looks like an alarm clock. The future is now.

Some teachers teach, some have sexual relations with their students; others blow the f*** up on their students at the drop of a dime.

These analogies are surreal, like a Keebler elf skiing down a citrus mountain.

When an adolescent game of “show me yours and I’ll show you mine” is documented on a cell phone, child-on-child pornography happens.

Give the SNL actor/drummer some!

When your country is down and out the always-reliable “hot babes in bikinis” route works wonders.