• Rumors are abound that the Nintendo Wii emits a sound frequency that attracts cockroaches. It’s either that or the source of this rumor is just your average slob gamer who hasn’t cleaned his living room since the original Rygar came out.

• Stop biting your nails, clearing your throat and talking loudly on your cellphone, please.

• Hulk Hogan wants to pummel Rosie O’ Donnell. Ewwwww

• Define “middle-class” families.

• They say it took 18 months for the smile of the world’s first face transplant patient to come back; it will take equally as long for me to get my erection back after seeing her without make-up.

• If you ignore the terrible font, you’ll see one of the coolest photos of the year.

• No speak English? No cheesesteak for you!