Last night three rescue workers were killed in Utah as they were searching for the six miners trapped from a cave in over 10 days ago. This most recent tragedy only adds to the laundry list of terrible events that have made the last week pretty rough.

To keep you up to date on the impending apocalypse I will break down all the other things that went down this week.

• China is trying to kill all of our babies by putting toxic led in the paint used to color their bibs… asshole Chinese figure if they can poising all of our youth it may lead to a “Children of Menâ€? scenario allowing them to step in as the next great world power. I’m on to you China!

• Tropical Storm Erin killed four people in Texas. This thing is only a tropical storm and it’s causing major death and destruction which makes me fear an even bigger Hurricane that is about to strike.

• Hurricane Dean is racing towards the Caribbean and unlike Erin is strengthening. Expected to make landfall Friday, this thing will cause havoc where ever it hits. The NWS released this warning “PREPARATIONS TO PROTECT LIFE AND PROPERTY SHOULD BE RUSHED TO COMPLETION.” That sounds positive!

• There was a horrendous flood in the poorest part on India. “Unicef officials said Thursday that about 2,800 people in India, Bangladesh, Nepal and Pakistan have died… from drowning, waterborne illnesses, snakebites or hunger.â€? F*CKING SNAKEBITES!! What is wrong with you Mother Nature? You have a hacked up sense of humor.

• Oh what? An 8.0 earthquake in Peru brought down a church during a service and killed over 200 people. Here is the news headline, “Mayhem is always in the mix in the morning news, but today it’s downright dominating.â€? There is such mass confusion that families must look through body bags containing rotting remains to find their loved ones.

• Floods in North Korea have killed over 220 people, 300,000 are homeless and 1/10th of the farm land is destroyed.

• A truck bomb in Iraq is one of the deadliest single attacks since the beginning of the war. Over 500 have died.

• Even our own stock market has taken a big hit. “A bright red alert this morning at the top of the Wall Street Journal homepage warned investors: U.S. STOCKS APPEARED set for heavy losses following steep declines in Asia and Europe, with economic data expected to show how subprime troubles started. 7:48 a.m.â€?

• Oh and Britney Spears told her kids that, “they were mistakes.”

So lets recap. Earthquakes, mine collapses, two hurricanes, flooding, war, stock market crash and an out of control celebrity who may or may not be the Devil. Yup, I’m gonna go hide in the basement and wait this one out.