The law of odds states that sooner or later, your lover will turn into your ex. Breaking up is hard enough, but how should you act once it’s official? Can you stay friends with the person who once held you when your goldfish died?

Although there is no one answer to a question that has plagued couples (and their new mates) for centuries, there are a few guidelines that can make a confusing time a little easier to deal with.

Most importantly, the circumstances that contributed to the break-up can offer a clue as to how you two should act once the dust clears. For most couples who parted on (relatively) civil terms, maintaining a close friendship afterwards only means that one of you started playing for the other team (read: not very common). On the other hand, staying friendly is only a natural progression of a once-intimate relationship.

Unless one of you is still hoping for a chance at resurrecting the old flame, it only makes sense that you would have a genuine interest in your ex’s well-being. Just be careful you won’t get jealous if they move on before you do.

Unfortunately, some relationships end in an explosion rather than a trickle, and instead of growing apart gradually, the couple finds itself hating each other and harboring hurt, resentment, anger or jealousy. What’s worse, some relationships end because it’s become unhealthy, and these are the ones that should be left firmly in the past. You got out for a reason, and there is no point in trying to salvage anything valuable from the wreckage.

Although it might feel like ripping off a band-aid, ending a bad relationship in a quick gesture is the best way to start making new friends ‘ and the best part is, they haven’t seen you naked. Yet.