We all know the quote: “Sleep tight… Don’t let the Bed Bugs bite!”

For the majority of my lifetime, I’ve shrugged off that quote, certain that bugs in my bed that would bite me in my sleep were no more real than the boogyman in my closet who would emerge from my open closet in order to rip my head off (of course, to this day I can’t fall asleep without completely shutting my closet door, but that’s neither here nor there).

Unfortunately, both for my ever-changing sense of reality and for our collective health, bed bugs are not only very real, but they are very rapidly becoming a country-wide epidemic. Yes, those bed bugs are biting, and weary people everywhere are lamenting their lack of tight sleeps and bodies covered in itchy, annoying bites.

So what exactly are these bed bugs? Teeny, tiny critters that are about a quarter-inch in length, flat enough to fit into a credit card slot, and subsist entirely on the blood of you and other warm-blooded creatures like you. Gross. Making matters worse, they hang out in pretty much every deep, dark recess of your living space that you can find… especially in bed frames and mattresses. At night, when the coast is clear, these creepy crawlers find a nice, juicy spot on the body, and drink your blood. But fret not: besides a relatively un-annoying and unassuming bite mark, bed bugs are not believed to transmit any really seedy diseases. Phew!

For seemingly unexplainable reasons, the spate of bed bug breakouts has been on the rise over the past few years. Far less surprising, to me anyway, is the news that many of these breakouts are occurring on college campuses across the country. Are there any more germ-infested and dirty places in life than your average dorm? Actually, yes… the average fraternity house.

A number of schools, from NYU to USC have reported bed bug outbreaks. And the outbreaks are not only confined to cities. Middlebury College has reported that some of their dorms are wildly infested with the critters. And to no one’s surprise, bed bugs are littering dorms in the cesspool that is THE Ohio State University, where everything that is unholy finds life.

So what can you esteemed collegians do to fight the madness, and start sleeping tight again? Well, first and foremost, clean your rooms! And I’m not talking the usual making your bed and taking out the trash (I hope you’re doing that anyway). I’m talking hard-core scrubbing of your floors, furniture and bed frames. I’m talking vacuuming the crevices in your walls and floors in an attempt to suck the bugs right out from their hiding places. And I’m talking about eliminating clutter from the floor, although I know that’s damn near impossible in 12X12 dorm room.

Other steps you can take to prevent being bitten by the bed bug include sealing your mattress and box spring in special mattress bags, pulling your bed away from the walls, and tucking your blankets into your mattress so the bugs can’t climb up from the floor or off the walls. Of course, if you’re really bugged by these bugs, you can always call in a specially trained exterminator, who often comes complete with his very own bed bug sniffing dog.

Finally, if all else fails, you can take drastic action like this girl, who is suing Fordham University for putting her up in a bed bug infested dorm room at the New Yorker Hotel. And lest you all think that this is solely a college problem, according to the confidence-inspiring president of the company that assigns Fordham students to their hotels/dorm rooms, “there isn’t a hotel in New York that doesn’t have bed bugs.” SWEET!