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After reading this article from DivineCaroline.com about a girl who finds her boyfriend’s porn stash, we here at COED decided it’s time to give our side of the story.
The author discovers the dastardly evidence while “looking for Christmas presents for her boyfriend,” after which, she confronts the man with all the insecure girlfriend questions you might expect.
(From the article:)
• Are you doing this because you are unhappy sexually with us?
• Are there things you watch here that you want to do, but have been unable to initiate with me, don’t want to do with me, or that I do not inspire in you?
• Do you see me as your “wife type” and these are your “vixens” and the two are totally separate?
• Are you looking at young girls that would be considered illegal?
• Are you looking at gay sex with two men?
First of all, WTF?! “Vixens,” “illegal,” “gay sex!” Ladies, ladies, ladies. You need to relax. Every time I’ve heard this story, the girl has been “looking for Christmas presents,” finds porn, and proceeds to have a complete failure of character.
The girl reacts as if Mars and Venus together are falling down upon her sexual world. Gay sex? For f*ck’s sake! Just because we like to watch two girls getting it on, or some chick blow the mailman doesn’t mean we really want you to do those things. (Necessarily…) Or that we’d rather be sucking a dong right now. Damn.
It’s not even that these are fantasies. Sometimes it’s just a dick in a vagina. Women need to realize that men don’t think the same as they think. We usually don’t have intricate fantasies or get fixated on particular people. We just like watching sex. That’s it.
That, and we’re lazy. We don’t have the desire to concoct entire scenes in our minds of baby oil-covered Latinas boning a dude in a van. We just log-on to the Internet, watch the sh*t, log-off, play Halo 3 and get on with our lives.
Most men don’t think of their porn as much of anything. And we certainly don’t think of porn stars as “real” human beings, or want them as our girlfriends. We may have some favorites here and there — a certain girl or look or activity. But this is not something to which we have an emotional attachment.
We do not long to sit and watch our favorite B.J. scene while holding you, or wish you’d gather up 40 of your closest Japanese girlfriends and molest us in a bath-house. At worst, for most healthy men, our porn is a way to be ourselves without having to convince or impress you of anything, or to actually partake in the “fantasies” we all have — sometimes it’s just easier.
Not that having sex with you is a burden — never, ever is that true — but having sex as often as we want can be, unless you’re some type of magic monogamous nympho from the land of Rad. And the fact of the matter is, we like to change things up from time to time.
Men are visual. Looking is what we like to do. And by simply looking at porn, it saves us both from the frustration of a man’s visceral appetite. If you knew how often we genuinely want to get it on, you’d think of us all as poorly as you hope we’re not.
Which brings me to my next point: If you don’t want to feel like you’re our mother, don’t act like you are. As the author describes her confrontation:
He was not defensive, nor was he angry. In fact most of the time he was blushing, like a little kid whose mom found Playboy under his bed (note: I do NOT want to be anyone’s mom, but this was the emotion I felt).
Women hate feeling like they’re being their man’s mother. But it seems to me that by judging us — or becoming skeptical of who we are, in more severe cases — just because we didn’t feel like having a conversation about making a deposit is what makes you feel that way, not because we downloaded Big Jugs 27. And we’re ashamed because you think that what we did was possibly wrong, so we think we have in fact done something wrong that we didn’t even realize was wrong…right? That’s why you feel like you’re our mothers, not because we made you feel that way.
Having a private porn collection is also fun because it’s private. We all know you girls are keeping a few things to yourself. If you didn’t, it’d be weird. The difference is, what you keep private is something you don’t think is any of our business, or something we just “don’t need to know about.” We keep our porn private just because it’s fun to jerk off while you go to the grocery store.
And we also keep it private because we’re afraid you’re going to react as the author did, by belittling us, and yourself, in the process. If we thought you’d be like, “Sweet! I wanna watch!” the situation might be different.
But that rarely happens. And when it does, it can go one of two ways: a) We grow closer to each other and become better equipped to satisfy one another for years to come, or b) You become disgusted, we break up, and forever we are remembered in shame. That’s quite a gamble.
In a perfect world, we’d all just be completely up-front with each other, and everything would be cool — but that’s never going to happen. So I suggest you, gentlemen, hit up HeatSeek.com, which locks down all your filthy clicking under 128-bit encryption lock and key. That should keep her browsing for presents and your shame to a minimum. Cheers!
8 Comments
Excuse me, hi, I am a chick and like a few of my friends, I have..porn. I know that it might be quite shocking for you, but I have more Hustler magazines than my boyfriend, a Suicide Girl subscription and a large collection of Hentai. So this shit about how that’s never going to happen,is bull and leads me to believe you have a very sad narrow view of the world. You might want to start attempting to date chicks that don’t have a stick up their ass. Stereotyping that all of us hate porn is ridiculous.
you are really sexy! if I was going to look for girls without sticks up with asses what locations would you recommend?
Hey Kat, Along with Tim I’d like to know where I could find women that like porn. I’d hate to say it, but I think there are more women out there that flip out when they find a guys porn stash.
And anyway how should I know if a girl I’m dating is going to have a stick up her ass? Should I immediately say “Oh and by the way this is my porn collection. Would you care to enjoy it with me?” I don’t think many women would be “turned on” by that.
I don’t think the article was at all trying to stereotype “every” women, it’s just stating that that’s what happens with the majority.
Sorry when throughout it, he speaks of women doing things or saying things it comes off as a stereotype, but I understand that that is easy to do. Also I’d like to point out that there are plenty of prude guys out there too.
I have no idea why but I’ve noticed more of the bi girls are more drawn to porn, I don’t know of a lot of completely straight girls that check it out. Probably because men in porns aren’t all that attractive, next time you’re watching your favorite bj scene notice the gut that is typically sticking out on the guy. I, like the girls I know watch it for the girl role, because seriously those guys are usually highly unattractive and worse actors than their girl costar (not that the women are stellar either).
All the friends I have that watch porn are in their 20’s, I don’t know if that’s because they are more likely to or if all of my older friends just hide it better.
Oh and Tim for all you know I could be 400lbs with a snaggle tooth, so you’ll have to excuse me if I don’t quite take your sexy comment all that seriously, lol.
I’d agree that there are plenty of prude guys and girls out there, I know plenty. I keep a very open mind when it comes to sex and porn. Yea I’d have to also agree that most porn is guy centric where it doesn’t matter what the hell the guy looks like (most of the time I’m thinking “Why the hell is this hot girl having it with this ugly guy?” it just doesn’t make much sense. Don’t forget though that there are pornos made specifically for women, but the stuff for guys has far more in comparison (not in quality, but quantity).
I myself would rather not bother a girlfriend on a daily basis with getting me off because when I’m with her I’d rather it be alittle longer and have both of us get our jollies and not just a quick “tug and spray” while watching a 5 to 10 minute clip.
Um, Kat? You being a lesbian/bi most likely don’t understand what most women think.
I agree with Kat.
From this article, it seems like guys don’t understand women at all, and maybe that is somewhat our fault….but NOT completely!
“Women need to realize that men don’t think the same as they think. We usually don’t have intricate fantasies or get fixated on particular people. We just like watching sex.”
WHAT!!!???
This is the most generalized untrue thing I’ve heard lately. I am a women, I like watching sex… A LOT! Sometimes really kinky stuff. ALSO I have met A LOT of men who have “intricate fantasies”..very detaield at that! and men who are obsessed with certain people (celebrities or real women too). So I agree to disagree.
I hate when men think, all women want is needy love and emotional support. *puke!*
Sometimes the last thing I want is someone to cuddle me, or tell me pretty words …and I just want to be thrown on a bed and go at it primal style (creative or kinky style too!) gasp! I know!… I am a real lady and not a slut, but come on, women have “needs” too, and I don’t mean emotion cooing either. blah!
Most of us are VERY visual too.
To continue the stereotypes many men have of women, you think we love shoes, right? (ok, I admit I do, that’s not the point haha).
BUT, hello! you see women at stores drolling over the fashion. It is not becuase it is practical or comfortable…it is the visual aspect of it, and it doesn’t end there at our toes.
Women are as lustful creatures as men.
We just aren’t all as open about it.
Thing is, when women like sex, we are often called whores, sluts, ***dumpsters. So even if we think about it more then the next guy (or have a stash of porn, toys, or what-not), we aren’t all going to admit it to the world, usally, and especially not face-to-face.
My ex would tell me I never wanted sex (when he wanted it), but then when I wanted it he would tell me that’s all I wanted from him and that I was slutty for saying it(and not in some role-playing name calling kinkiness way either).
So, I say that a lot of men have double standards! My ex watched porn, and I didn’t really care, until he started doing it beside me when I “slept” and started trying to hide it from me/lying…and talking to his ex girlfriends (not in a “friend” way (I feel the need to add). It crossed over to disrespect, so many it isn’t so much as you doing it, but how you do it guys?
A lot of women like to see sex and Most women masturbate (you think they make sex toys or back messagers for nothing?). Heck, some off us do it without much thought (without any thought or “feelings” to our special sweetie pie *GAG!*), then go get a big sandwich and cheese curls, and fall asleep in a old band tshirt while watching bad late night tv,.. just to feel good or release stress and get to sleep, or statisfy a simple need. Or maybe we just don’t want to deal with a relationship at the time and the ups and downs and emotional craziness/cling/jealousy that follows them often or maybe we are lazy or too busy, Sound familar?
So, women aren’t just like men, no, but we are a lot more a like then a lot of men know, or we often admit.
Not all of us are Park Ave. prissy, toile wearing, stationary sending, monogram loving, poodle having, stepford, stick up the butt, sexually repressed ninnies…
Or slutty, rock of love, bimbo, black lip lined, bad fake tanned, spandex tube dress, whores either
There’s a middle ground where real normal women exist…and we like sex there too…a lot,…
maybe not with you though.
REPLIES
RINGO
““Why the hell is this hot girl having it with this ugly guy?” it just doesn’t make much sense.” Because she is getting paid to.
“Don’t forget though that there are pornos made specifically for women, but the stuff for guys has far more in comparison (not in quality, but quantity).” So, what makes you think the stuff you watch is for guys only? You think girls that watch porn, only search for “porn for girls”? lol
THEBIGIFF
I think most women are bi (or would be) even if they don’t admit it,…even to themselves, but that’s just I.M.O. and as far as I can tell Kat never said SHE was btw.
I personally like to see naked women (because they are beautiful) and I’m not a lesbian. In seeing sex videos, I feel like I can relate to how women feel more, mainly cause I don’t have a penis. lol
TIM,
“if I was going to look for girls without sticks up with asses what locations would you recommend?” Trust me, we are all around.
Damn I wrote a lot! Sorry for ranting.
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