After spending the last few months speaking at universities throughout the Northeast, there’s one question that keeps coming up. (No, it’s not ‘who farted?’ but that is funny.)

‘What’s the best way to approach women at school?’
Fret not, young ones. This month, I’m going to show you how to get some love in three different, everyday, mundane areas on campus. And, unlike alcoholism, you can solve this in just five steps!

Five Steps to First Base

1.Find her when she’s alone. It’s not as creepy as it sounds. You stand a greater chance of talking with her when she’s by herself than when she’s with her friends. She’ll be more receptive to your wily charms.

2.Observe something about her.
What is she doing? What is she wearing? What is she eating? What’s she reading? Does she have the same cell phone as you? Is that a knife? Remember, observations lead to conversations.

3.Start talking. Now that you’ve summed her up, talk to the girl! Use what you observed as a starter (but not in a stalker, I-know-your-underwear-color kind of way). But don’t worry too much saying the right thing; think less, talk more.

4.Listen. What? Ha! I love that joke. But, seriously, you need to hear what she’s saying. Her conversation will give you all the clues to what you need to say next. So take a deep breath and ask questions.

5. Remember, it’s great to meet her. If you know you will see her again, tell her that it was great to meet her. This way, she’ll be thinking about you. If this is a random meeting, in a place that you may not see her again for awhile, set up the next meeting. Again, tell her that it was great meeting her, and suggest hanging out or studying together. Keep it simple and in context, however (e.g. don’t ask for a study date during a beer pong tournament).

Three places to get started:

The cafeteria. Walk right over to the table when she’s alone and ask her if you could share the table. After sitting down, look at what she is eating and make a comment. ‘Is the meat loaf good?’ works. ‘I think I just threw up in my mouth’, not so much. Then actually listen to her answer.

If it isn’t rolling along after two minutes, tell her you need to read for a class while you eat. Or throw pie in her face. Pie throwing = comedy gold!

The library. This approach is all about the walk by. You need to find the area where the girl is sitting ‘ and then walk on by and smile. If she smiles back, make another lap like you’re a looking for a seat. Then ask her if you can sit down at her table.

If you get this far, the rest is easy. Just ask her about what she’s studying, the book she has open, her major, etc. Don’t offer any ‘pills’ to keep her awake, however. That’s not cool–it’s so third date.

Your class. Get to class early one day and hang out outside the room (pretend to be on a phone call). When she comes to class, see where she sits, and then go right over, smile, look at the seat next to her and ask her if anyone is sitting there.

From that point, it’s all small talk. ‘Did you do the homework?’ is a good one. ‘Can I borrow your notes?’ is a bit forward. Just remember, keep it friendly and simple; you’ll see her again in class, so all you’re doing now is laying the foundation. Honestly, that’s it. If she starts asking you questions, you’re in. She’ll be interested in you if you show interest in her. Ask her to hang out soon after this happens.

But how about getting from ‘hello’ to ‘what’s for breakfast?’ Next time, I’ll show you how to close the deal.