So, EliteXC wants to be a player. They want to be the UFC. They want to be a premiere MMA organization. That’s fine. I’m all for more MMA org’s popping up. It’s good for the sport, as they say. And more importantly, good for the fighters. In comparison to boxing, MMA fighters are getting paid like they’re playing professional tiddlywinks–a few million a year, at the absolute top of the heap (Couture, Liddell, Ortiz), while Mayweather and the Golden Boy bring in $30 million a fight. More organizations means more money and negotiation space for the fighters. They don’t have to ’settle.’

So excellent, you are helping, EliteXC. And while there’s nothing wrong with you wanting to be on top, could you please make that yearning seem a little less desperate? Because right now, you are straight embarrassing yourselves.

First, there is your ridiculous production scheme. Did you really feel it necessary to upgrade the ‘ring girl’ concept by putting dancers on the ramp in between rounds? Sure they’re hot, but honestly during a three round fight, I want to see the corners of the fighters when they take their one minute break. Also, am I the only one who notices those girls are dancing completely out of sync? And don’t even get me started on Bill Goldberg. Literally the worst commentator in sports history.

Then there’s the ‘inventive’ weight classes you guys have cooked up. You don’t need to be different to succeed. You’ve got great fighters in Robbie Lawler, Antonio Silva, Yves Edwards, and probably the biggest raw draw in MMA history in Kimbo Slice. It’s painfully obvious that your 160-pound and 140-pound divisions were invented not for the safety of fighters cutting too much weight, but to make your story lines easier to craft. Gina Carano and Nick Diaz are great fighters, they don’t need your help by creating a division in which they see maximum advantage. It just cheapens what they do in the ring. Additionally, those two fighters specifically (at the last two events with your name on them) couldn’t even make the weight (Carano a long time offender, and Diaz some what new to the ‘missed weight’ crowd). Instead of canceling these fights or somehow punishing these fighters, you made the fights at ‘catch weight.’ Why even bother having weight classes for these two if your so clearly never going to cancel their bouts. Just call them ‘FluxWeight’ fighters and become the circus you were always meant to be.

Of course, it’d be remiss to not mention your absolute obsession with the spectacle. No, no, I get it. It puts ‘butts in seats.’ But there is a line, EliteXC, there is a line. Kimbo/Thompson over Lawler/Smith on your CBS card? Alright, I can handle it. You want ratings really badly, but what about the fact that female fights are only have 3 minute rounds? You are litterally turning something that could be an amazing fight into a spectacle. ‘OH LADY FIGHTS, BETTER MAKE EM 3 MINUTE ROUNDS OR THEY COULD BREAK A NAIL.’

Considering Carano/Young (catch weight or no) was the best fight on your CBS card, I’d recommend you acknowledge them as real fighters and let them fight by everyone else’s rules. Or maybe three minute rounds are an additional screen of protection for Carano, since you obviously know (five times she’s missed her 140-pound target weight?) by now that she’s coming in out of shape. This idea that every card you have needs some type of ridiculous wrinkle has already started to backfire. Not only was Kimbo/Thompson a mostly boring affair, its stoppage seemed at best a stretch and at worst a work. And who let James Thompson even approach the ring with a cauli-ear that bad. ‘Oh god it exploded on CBS with a bunch of people watching, quick stop the fight.’ Of course it exploded you idiots. You’re lucky people didn’t die in the blast.

Last Saturday’s ShowXC event in Hawaii wouldn’t have complete without that postfight brawl you geniuses orchastrated. Who’s idea was it to let Nick Diaz in the ring with his entire Stockton, Cali crew. Scripted hype builder or no, you had to have known that scuffle was going to happen. This is Nick Diaz, for Christ’s sake. He lost a decision to Joe Riggs and proceeded to start a brawl with him in the hospital after the fight.

Comin’ on a little strong, EliteXC. A little strong.