Carl Pavano’s Return - Good for the Yankees? Or Good for Carl Pavano?

This Saturday marks the highly comical return of Carl Pavano to the decimated Yankee rotation.  With the Yanks sitting six games out of the Wild Card spot and just over a month to play, will he provide enough of a boost for the Bronx Bombers to reach the playoffs for the thirteenth consecutive year?  Or will he only provide enough to boost his own personal checking account this off-season?

The timing for Pavano’s latest comeback attempt is convenient enough to weasel yet another lucrative contract offer out of another team looking for starting pitching depth - something that all 30 teams are interested in.  If he comes on strong in the final five weeks of the season and shows flashes of returning to his 2004 form, will another team pay a hefty salary in hopes that he can anchor the number two or three spot in their rotation? Read More »

Bring the Party Home (For Under $150!)

beverges collage

Hi and welcome to the dead zone of summer. After partying it up on the fourth, the festiveness dies down and your party schedule is wiiiiide open. There are, of course, the random parties and local events to keep you entertained, but for the most part the excitement is dead and the big stuff is over.

With nothing going on, why not bring the party to your place? Cocktails, sun, friends and your bed within reach? What could be better?

Of course, entertaining requires a little prep, but it is a lot easier (and cheaper!) than you think. Below is a handy dandy guide on how to turn your humble abode into the summer hot spot. And all for less than $150. Let’s get started.
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Christy Brinkley Sucks!

Christy_BrinkleyI am tired of Christy Brinkley. Yes, she is a MILF, but I am sick of her press conferences. She had a press conference on the fact that her husband liked porn. If that was news worthy info, every wife in the world would hold a press conference - weekly. Oh wait, there’s more, he also loves 18 year old girls. Uh…ummm…ok…I think there’s a club of us like that.

Christy dumped the PianoMan, she should be happy we still like looking at pix of her old ass. What really gets me, is that she wanted this to be a public divorce. Her porn-loving husband (I am with you brother) wanted to just make it a private matter, she gets all her money, whatever house she wants, and they mutually split assets in her favor. That was too civil for Ms. Brinkley, so now she is dragging her family through every tabloid that is tired of writing about Brangelina.

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Vanity Fair Thinks “Hollywood’s Next Wave” Is All White

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Vanity Fair recently came out with “Hollywood’s Next Wave” of teen superstars, and besides the fact that at 25 I already feel too old to know who half of the kids are (25! Too old!), there was one other tiny piece of information that made me feel a little strange. Out of the 28 teens featured in the article, 2 of them were something other than Caucasian.

Either Young Hollywood has systematically sorted out all of its ethnicity, or Vanity Fair is straight up stupid.

A big magazine like VF has loads of money, and the power to change how we as a society view ourselves. They can break down barriers and send that message to hundreds of thousands of readers across the county. Why oh why, then, are they taking Hampton-esque pictures of kids who all kinda look the same (half of whom will probably disappear into obscurity in 3 years), and not-so-subtly telling America that the media is still whitewashed? I’ll answer that rhetorical question. They’re doing it because like most big media conglomerates, they’re more concerned with money than they are with actually saying something of merit. Read more

Canada Owns America!

canada sucks

WTF is this all aboot?! If you’ve ever seen an episode of South Park you know that Canada has always lived in America’s shadow. But now it seems that our neighbors to the north are owning us in some pretty important caragories: wealth, happieness and sex.

A recent study shows that Canadians work less, live longer, enjoy better health, are wealthier, and have more sex than Americans. For instance, Canada’s median family household income clocks in at US$122,000; in America, it’s $93,000. Yeah, we felt sick to our stomachs, too.

Go ahead and verifty the numbers for yourself, but remember: although Canadians are wealthier, happier and have more sex, America’s got the nukes (Canada doesn’t), Canada runs on the metric system (practicality is lame); they only gained their independence from England in 1982 (thought they still have to vow allegiance to Queen Elizabeth). Canada doesn’t have the tropical weather of Hawaii, Guam, Puerto Rico or southern Florida. The Canadian football league sucked–and we stole hockey and John Candy!

Check out South Park’s episode “Canada on Strike” featuring Stephen Abootman here!

The Post Graduate Job Hunt: Top Cities For Jobs

With the economy in distress, recent graduates are looking for work anywhere they can find it–and location of their job hunt will effect their ability of landing that killer payday.

Luckily for you, Forbes compiled a list of Best Cities For Jobs in 2008, which examines all the important factors in 100 metropolitan areas including, unemployment rate, job growth, income growth, median household income and cost of living.

“I don’t live anywhere near those cities,” you might say. But think about this: The world is currently going down the crapper; the stock market is plumetting, gas costs a left-nut, and we’re about to go to war with Iran. And as the saying goes, drastic times call for drastic measures. And while many can’t just up and move their entire life to a new city, you can! Without any long-term committments tying you down–house, kids, wife–you’re in a unique possition to move where you need to move to succeed.

So check out Best Cities For Jobs in 2008, stop being a wussy and do what you need to do to make it in this crazy new century.

100 Celebrities Busted For Drugs

snoop dogg weed

Celebrities do a lot of drugs. With a ton of cash, and a job that doesn’t really require that much brain power, it’s no surprise the high profile people are, well, extra high…So it should come as no surprise that they are also getting busted, a lot.

Luckily for you, the good people at Pop Crunch have put together the most extensive list of substance-using suckers this side of “Behind the Music,” in “Busted! 100 Celebrities Arrested for Drug Possession.”

 Check out PopCrunch.com’s “Busted! 100 Celebrities Arrested for Drug Possession” here!

Laid Bare: Life Lessons at the Strip Club

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Obnoxiously bright blues, greens and various shades of pink are walking, talking and dancing all around me. For some reason the intensely colored, and revealing dresses are the focus of my attention initially, not the girls wearing them. I can’t help but think this was a bad idea.

I’m nervous. This isn’t an excited, happy nervous; it’s an anxious, uncomfortable nervous. I’ve never been to a strip club before. I agreed to come here because I’m in New York City for the first time, my friends wanted to go, and it seems like the perfect time to try something new. Maybe I don’t like new.

Some of the girls are sitting and talking to customers, some are hanging around the edges of the club in small groups, and one girl is dancing on stage, slowly removing her clothes. I’m supposed to watch her, to be turned on, to want her. I don’t. I feel like a voyeur; averting my eyes from the stage like it’s something private meant for someone else. Read More »

The Freedom of Work: Why Slacker Summer Jobs Rock!

fast food workerI work in a sh*t-hole on the verge of bankruptcy, and I love it. I’m currently employed by a locally owned sandwich shop/late night drunk food emporium. If it’s 2:30 in the morning, you’re hammered and you need a hot dog that’s been warming on rollers for three hours we’ve got you covered. I make just above minimum wage, but for the work I do it’s almost robbery. Almost.

There’s nothing better than a summer job that requires no real thought, almost no work, and a boss who smokes a lot of pot. For the past three summers, I’ve worked for the maintenance division of a national park. It was a lot of physical work outdoors. I made great money, but I had to do a lot of work. This summer I make almost no money, but I don’t have to do anything. And as sad as it is, I actually prefer making and doing nothing. As a bonus I work with a bunch of college drop-outs and stoners who’ve never had real jobs and complain about what little we’re expected to do. Since I don’t complain, and work whenever it’s necessary, I look great. My boss absolutely loves me. Read More »

Power Your Stuff by Volcano?

Volcano

The experts who have helped establish a global reliance on oil and wasted billions of dollars trying to turn corn into gas, have now turned their attention to nature’s biggest natural power generators. Volcanoes and hot springs could supply up to 25-percent of America’s power needs–and as fuel prices soar, Alaskan officials announced the exploration of the state’s volcanoes.

Companies are being invited to lease the rights to explore geothermal resources beneath Mount Spurr, a snowcapped 11,070-foot volcano that most recently erupted in 1992, showering much of Anchorage with volcanic ash. The state Division of Oil and Gas hopes the lease sale, due to go ahead in August, will be the first of many. It is also considering allowing exploration of the 4,134-foot Augustine Volcano, 171 miles southwest of Anchorage. Read More »