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It’s back-to-school time, and you know what that means–awesome parties, hot chicks and lots and lots of beer. Sure, college is supposed to be about studying and bettering yourself. But that’s only half of it. To prepare you for the forgotten drunken wonderful nights you’re about to endure, we’ve put together the quintessential compilation of the one thing that’s best about the college experience–Beer Bong Babes.
No matter who you are, the older you get, the more you hate teenagers. They’re loud, inconsiderate and probably up to no good. Even as a teenager, I thought myself obnoxious. I was 16, damnit. I could do what I wanted; go where I pleased; say what I wanted to say, and I did. All my friends and I felt as though everyone was out to get us. Really, we were just bored. But for today’s teens, they are.
In a true act of teen oppression, the controlling, crotchety sons-of-b*tches that run our public education systems are trying to take away teenager’s First Amendment Rights–not just on school grounds or during school functions (like they already do), but everywhere, always, even online.
“That bong doesn’t look anything like a vagina,” you might be thinking right now. And you couldn’t be more right. But that’s because it’s not supposed to look like a vagina. You’re supposed to stick it in one to use it.
Let’s let the patent do the talking:
The lower end cooperates with the wall of the vagina to form a water reservoir holding water in the lower end and the vagina. A stem is received into the inlet port with an end opening submerged in the water reservoir. Suction applied at the exit port draws air through the stem to bubble through the water reservoir to generate stimulatory vibrations transmitted to the vagina. Optionally, a bowl holding combustible material communicates with the stem such that smoke bubbles through the water reservoir to simultaneously filter and cool the smoke and generate stimulatory vibrations. Read More »
Kristen Bell In Her Underwear
Bong and Bikini Rehab
Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation
Hilarious Gatorade Commerical
Mariah Carey Throws A Pitch
Heidi Klum Eats McDonald’s
The Lower East Side Is Endangered
In your mind you may be Rico Suave, but it never hurts to read over a few pointers on how to charm a lady. I’ll keep it short and sweet so you can get back to sleeping, studying, ripping that bong or doing whatever people do on a Friday morning.
Do Say:
“If you’re not having fun wherever we go just let me know, ok? It’s no big problem.”
In giving your date the option to opt out of a certain plan, you’re showing respect before she earns it. If you’re worried about her being an unhappy, bitchy control freak, you’ll find out soon enough - and you’ll know to never call her back.
“I know we were going to ____ next, but why don’t we just say screw it and go to _______ instead?”
Spontaneity is key in having a quality date. Don’t let the idea of what dating is supposed to be determine your night. At the very least open both of your nights to new places and possibilities. A boring date can be turned on its head with the right attitude and lack of inhibition. Read More »
What’s in the pot, Martha - pot? Clearly not.
When comedienne/everywoman Amy Sedaris appeared on Martha Stewart recently to cook “Lil’ Smokie Cheese Balls” she stated that A1 sauce “is equivalent to Bongwater.”
Martha obviously had no idea what Sedaris was talking about.
Then Sedaris proceeded to say that she “used to smoke”…so Martha replied “do you like smoked cheese?” Clueless! I can’t believe this “baker” has never been “baked.” Read More »
Next week on Entourage:
It seems like Vince’s new movie is in jeopardy and no one can reach Ari. E is upset because Walsh keeps calling him “Suit�? and won’t let him read the new ending to his script. Meanwhile, Turtle is upset because he broke his favorite bong, and Drama is worried his character is being written out of his show “Five Towns.�? Finally, Walsh lets the guys have the script and E and Vince both agree it’s the best ending to a movie they’ve ever read. Ari resurfaces to tell Vince he got Jessica Biel to play his co-star in the movie. Vince bangs Jessica Biel. Ari makes a hip reference to Vince being bigger than Jason “F**king�? Bourne. Turtle gets a new bong. Lloyd tells Drama he is playing the lead in a spin-off series of his show. Ari makes a gay reference. Everyone clinks beers on a rooftop.
Next week on Entourage:
Everyone is worried that something from Vince’s new movie got leaked to the press. There’s some other uninteresting plot involving E. Turns out the story gives the movie even bigger buzz. Vince bangs the reporter who leaked the story. Turtle and Drama get handj*bs. Everyone clinks beers on a rooftop.
Next week on Entourage:
The economy hits the skids. Everyone is worried production will stop on Vince’s movie because Americans don’t have the same disposable income to spend on going to the movies they once had. The economy turns around. Everyone clinks beers on a rooftop. Read More »
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