I cannot for the life of me understand why Modelo Especial gets a bad rap. Sure, the squat bottled brew isn’t the finest Mexican beer on the market, but it is the most popular - and with good reason. Cheap and refreshing, Especial is stable as a table in drinking terms.

The usual formalities that go into beer reviewing don’t fare well with Modelo Especial, as it pours a typical shade of gold with decent head that fizzles quickly. The scent is grassy and grainy, giving me ‘late nite’ summer vibes, when outdoor drinking is the season’s theme.

Speaking of summer, one can see why this beer is underrated (misunderstood?), as its charms are almost exclusively set for the hottest months of the year. Its taste is straight up anti-firewater, a sweet malt flavor that acts as a cleaning agent for spicy palettes. If we’re talking about beers to pair up with spicy food, not many budget brews beat Especial.

But the truth? It’s merely ok, which is fine. And good.

Modelo Especial stats:

Smells like: hot sticky summer nights

Tastes like: sweet sticky summer nights

Alcohol content: 4.40%, which is plenty for this watery blend

Killian’s Irish Red is located straight in the heart of beer purgatory, where snobbish types and casual drinkers alike don’t see the big deal. It has middle-child syndrome; I can empathize, being one myself.

In comparison to other lagers of its status, Killian’s is actually quite good, pouring a reddish rust color that reminds me of foliage and fall altogether. The head is unremarkable, but present nonetheless.

The taste isn’t as terrible as beer experts would have you believe, either - bland may be correct description. Sporting a scent of sweet malts and hops, Killian’s has a muted, earthy flavor that’s not complex by any stretch of the imagination (or palette). Its carbonation is soda-like, with an odd bite that doesn’t settle very well as an aftertaste. You’re gonna need to set your standard fair when drinking this average brew.

If you’re left in the predicament of choosing between a Killian’s and a Bud Light, it’s a safe bet to go with the former. It’s character, however small, is gauged by its company.

The biggest fish in a sloppy, skunked out pond: that’s Killian’s for you.

Killian’s Irish Red stats:

Smells like: weak hops and wheat, and slightly skunked

Tastes like: average beer, which is fine if you drink and don’t think

Alcohol content: 4.90%, with so-so drinkability - knock them back quick!

What goes well with food? Beer, of course. But what goes well with spicy and salty food? Tecate, of course…?

First things first: Tecate’s signature red can is alluring in a weird way, like ogling a decent looking girl who seems to have that extra something you can’t quite put your finger on. You can purchase Tecate in glass bottles, but I recommend going for the classic can for the full experience - that smooth, late-night at the local restaurant/lounge experience. Yeah…that’s the stuff.

There are plenty of beer drinkers that despise the taste and smell of Tecate, which admittingly is pretty bland with a slight corn sweetness. While it’s totally fair to pan a beer for tasting less than stellar, Tecate’s light carbonation and taste work to its advantage - when food is involved.

For “quenching your thirst” (your thirst for getting wasted on the cheap, that is) and cleaning your palette, the brew works like a charm; as a stand-alone it’s not up to snuff.

I would bet that Tecate is a great beer for cooking purposes, though…

Tecate stats:

Smells like: sawdust and sweet sweat; blue collar beer

Tastes like: unremarkable but slightly sweet

Alcohol content: 4.50%, with heavy drinkability

People hate anything that’s average, so why settle for anything less than the best? Well, for starters, when money is an issue it’s not a good idea to drop your weekly paycheck on beer (fun, but not smart).

The average Joe - no offense, simple Joes - can’t afford to drink Sierra Nevada all the time. When one wants style on a budget they go Red Stripe or, more often, Heineken.

Something about a Heineken screams good times with good people (not great, mind you, but good). A casual trip down to the local pub for a few beers, leaving home by yourself but nice and buzzed - that’s what a Heineken’s all about.

Heineken does have a distinct taste too, though the distinction is its tastelessness. It’s like drinking slightly-bitter water with suds (and alcohol). Knocking back a 12-pack is not only easy, but kind of dangerous, considering!

You don’t pour a Heine into some fancy Pilsner glass; you drink it lukewarm in the bottle, crying over your ex-girlfriend in a deserted pool hall. Heineken isn’t your girlfriend - it’s your best friend. Sure, he’s rough around the edges, and can be a prick sometimes, but he’s always there for you.

(Really: Heineken can be found everywhere!)

Heineken Lager stats:

Tastes like: sweet water spiked with alcohol

Smells like: an old friend, washed out and skunked

Alcohol content: 5.00%, and be weary - it sneaks up on you!

Americanized versions of Cheladas (Mexican specialty beers that use lime and salt for a distinctive flavor) have yet to impress beer drinkers nationwide - just ask Miller Chill.

So when Budweiser decided to go Chelada, I knew I had to try it…and I faced the ugly consequences. What were they thinking?

What was I thinking?

Do you like carbonated tomato soup? If so, you will love Bud’s rendition of the Chelada, which tastes like a college prank.

Talk about appearance: upon pouring out this thick, pulpy, reddish disaster the smell was almost unbearable; it reeked of salty old clams and spicy tomatoes - great for dinner, not as a beverage.

And then comes Bud’s infamous carbonation: why Budweiser prides itself on having the harshest bubbles in the business (they must be proud, since all their beers are ultra harsh) is beyond my comprehension. Read More »