Since the beginning of the Catholic Church (at least…I suck at history), men have been hindered, ridiculed, shunned and bludgeoned for their masturbating escapades. But no more!

BBC News reports today that regular masturbation clears the man’s system of cancer-causing fluids, reducing the risk of prostate cancer.

From the article:

Australian researchers questioned over 1,000 men who had developed prostate cancer and 1,250 who had not about their sexual habits.

They found those who had ejaculated the most between the ages of 20 and 50 were the least likely to develop the cancer.

The protective effect was greatest while the men were in their 20s.

Men who ejaculated more than five times a week were a third less likely to develop prostate cancer later in life.

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There are so many things in our society that need to be updated to meet today’s ever-changing societal norms. Unfortunately, there are so few organizations out there with their fingers on the throbbing pulse of the world’s youth culture. Luckily, one of those organizations is the Catholic Church! Not since “Buddy Christ” has there been such an eye-opening revelation into today’s culture.

It’s good to know the Church has priests out there who are able to take their hands and get a full, round-the-shaft grip of modern society and our new vices.

After 1500 years, the Catholic Church has “updated” their 7 deadly sins - pride, envy, gluttony, lust, anger, greed, sloth - to include 7 new instances, such as:

Polluting
Genetic Engineering
Being Obscenely Rich
Drug Dealing
Abortion
Pedophilia
Causing Social Injustice

Some non-Catholics in the office decided that we should try and find the Deadly Sins that the Church swept under the rug. Like the gnostic gospels and little league baseball, there are some things the Catholic Church tries to ignore - but late at night, when the mood strikes them, there is no avoiding.

The 7 Deadly Sins Omitted by the Catholic Church after the jump. Read More »