Moving Made Easy: 5 Things I Can Live Without

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Americans are a materialistic bunch and I am no exception. And now that I’m faced with the task of moving all my stuff into a new apartment, I understand why too much stuff can be bad. My lease ends in two days; I’ve already found a new place, and I’m moving in with some good friends, but moving still sucks.

Somehow over the past year I’ve accumulated a substantial pile of sh*t, and it’s currently sitting in the center of my room. I need to dig through it, sort it out, and pack it in boxes so I can schlep it across town. Really, I need to downsize my life.

Here are the five things I’ve decided to get rid of to make this move easier. Read More »

EliteXC, Please, Make It Stop.

gary-shaw-kimbo-slice.jpgSo, EliteXC wants to be a player. They want to be the UFC. They want to be a premiere MMA organization. That’s fine. I’m all for more MMA org’s popping up. It’s good for the sport, as they say. And more importantly, good for the fighters. In comparison to boxing, MMA fighters are getting paid like they’re playing professional tiddlywinks–a few million a year, at the absolute top of the heap (Couture, Liddell, Ortiz), while Mayweather and the Golden Boy bring in $30 million a fight. More organizations means more money and negotiation space for the fighters. They don’t have to ’settle.’

So excellent, you are helping, EliteXC. And while there’s nothing wrong with you wanting to be on top, could you please make that yearning seem a little less desperate? Because right now, you are straight embarrassing yourselves.

First, there is your ridiculous production scheme. Did you really feel it necessary to upgrade the ‘ring girl’ concept by putting dancers on the ramp in between rounds? Sure they’re hot, but honestly during a three round fight, I want to see the corners of the fighters when they take their one minute break. Also, am I the only one who notices those girls are dancing completely out of sync? And don’t even get me started on Bill Goldberg. Literally the worst commentator in sports history. Read More »

Five Steps to First Base

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After spending the last few months speaking at universities in the Northeast, there’s one question that keeps coming up. (No, it’s not “who farted?”)

“What’s the best way to approach women at school?”

Fret not, young ones. Here’s how to get love in three everyday , mundane areas on campus. And, unlike alcoholism, you can solve this in just five easy steps!

1. Find her when she’s alone. It’s not as creepy as it sounds. You stand a greater chance of meeting her when she’s by herself than with friends. She’ll be more receptive to your charms.

2. Observe something about her. What is she doing? What is she wearing? What is she eating? What’s she reading? Observations lead to conversation.

3. Start talking. Now that you’ve summed her up, talk! Use what you have observed as a starter ( not in a stalker, I - know- your - underwear - color kind of way). Don’t worry about saying the right thing; think less, talk more. Read More »

Pirate Attacks Up 14% Worldwide

Pirates

Modern-day pirates at large in Somalia and Nigeria. I didn’t know pirates really still existed; my dreams have come true! How about dragons while we’re at it? (MSNBC)

Brit’s hit gets her booked…at the LAPD. (TMZ)

A Hellraiser remake is in the works! It’s the first one since…what the hell is this? How many more Hellraiser movies does one need? (One more is the answer.) (Hollywood Reporter)

Face it: nobody wants to see you wearing PJs in class. Ever. (College Candy)

Chef Ramsay, eat your heart out: wheelchair-bound man killed after serving his wife eggs that were not prepared to her liking. (News24)

How Not to be the Class Wallflower

shy kidAlright, what the hell, you’re in this four-hundred person lecture and just your luck, you can’t spot a single familiar face. Now what?

Spend the rest of the semester in studying solitude? Stalk a TA to answer all your simple assignment questions? Maybe you’ll just skip every class and hope your professor puts the notes online.

OR, you could grow some balls and MAKE some friends. Doesn’t class go by a lot quicker when there’s someone you can pass notes to during?

It does, trust me.

So sure, it’s a little intimidating when there’s more people in your Philosophy lecture hall than there were in your graduating senior class of high school, but don’t worry, a bunch of the kids around you are looking for someone to strike up a conversation with as well. It’s really quite easy: Read More »

Textbooks 101: Your College Buying Guide

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With the money I spent on textbooks in college, I could now own a plethora of designer purses. Not that I need any more bags, but I didn’t really need any more books either. The textbook dilemma is never one easily solved.For the most part, you don’t know which books you’ll be using first before the first day of class and the requisite first day of class syllabus. I remember my freshman year I spent over $500 easily on books for my first semester.

That much money pains me now, much more than it did then. Back then I had the good ole M&D to rely on.

Now? Now I just have ramen. And rent due tomorrow.

So, you can’t buy your books before classes begin because there is the possibility you will never use them or just use them for one f*cking assignment. It’s so annoying.

Textbooks are essential to college and also one of the biggest college pains in my ass.

Here, I have outlined my no fail way to succeed at your first real college assignment: Buying Your Textbooks.

Textbook Tip #1

Don’t buy your books before the first day of class. There is just no need! I mean, really, you’re going to be drinking copious amounts of beer during your first few days anyways and having too much fun to even think about classes starting. Class, however, is an inevitable evil.

Textbook Tip #2

The next few tips take a bit of time and research so don’t get discouraged and just drop the dough down in the campus bookstore. First collect all your syllabi. Write down the books you will need. ISBN numbers are a gift from God. Write them down. Also make sure you have down the correct volume and edition. Nothing sucks more than buying the wrong book and having to search all semester long through the wrong edition for a particular page number or problem. Read More »