It seems that even rocket scientists can not escape today’s economic uncertainty. In an already slowing job market, NASA announced that their plan to retire the space shuttle in 2010 could result in over 8000 lost jobs.

Art history majors across the country may soon have more than just former Bear Stearns employees and Hillary Clinton campaign staffers to worry about when applying for that job at Starbucks.

There is just no way to pad your resume enough when you are up against a former NASA employee, someone who has probably gotten closer to an actual ’star’ than you ever will.

To make matters worse, NASA employees may have falsely gotten their hopes up when Google decided to play an April fools prank and announce their plan to privately fund the colonization of Mars called “Project Virgle.”

Out of 8000 employees, at least one or two must have had their resume stamped and ready to mail until they looked at the calendar. Be careful, Google. These are the same people who accidentally threatened the planet with that spy satellite full of toxic gas back in January. It is probably best not to make them angry and see what they can threaten us with when they actually try. Read More »

Guys in college are always looking for ways to make a quick buck. Unfortunately, balancing a part time job with classes and studying while maintaining a social life is not only difficult, but nearly impossible. What to do?

Fortunately, there are ways to avoid a long commute to employment. One can always make money on campus by running a gambling ring, or subjecting themselves to shock therapy as part of some professor’s experiment…or not.

There’s an easier and more fun way to make money, and all you need is your right hand man - your right hand. That’s right, gentlemen: sperm donation.

Perfect for college students needing some extra cash, sperm donation typically takes 15 minutes and pays by the sample. In other words, the more you wank is more money in the bank. The steps needed to donate sperm aren’t rigorous, but they do require some responsibility. If you figured waltzing into a sperm bank ready to jack it is all you need to do, you’re sorely mistaken. Read More »