The Bible, man, that’s hard stuff to get through.

We decided to go straight to the Man himself to get our moral guidance… but, sadly, Mr. Christ did not return our calls. So, instead, we found three college students named Jesus (Jesus Corral - University of Denver, Jesus Bruce - Stanford Univeristy and Jesus Campos-Hernandez - George Washington University) and asked them about sin. Sloth, indeed.

• Question #1: A starting lineman on the football team beat the crap out of me at a party. How do I get revenge without getting killed? - Chapin, 20

Jesus Corral: “All you need is a bat with a nail through it, dipped in HIV-infected blood. You can figure it out.”

Jesus Bruce: “Next time you see him at a party, put drops of Visine in his beer. The only thing coming out of him for a few days will be slush.”

Jesus Campos-Hernandez: “While at a bar, I got my buddy Dave so bombed that he ended up doing a #2 while he passed out on his couch. He woke up, not realizing he’d soiled himself and walked around campus. So, there are cheaper ways to achieve the result.”

• Question #2: I’m pretty positive that one of my sorority sisters is stealing from me. How can I prove it? - Lindsay, 21 Read More »