The Future is Now: Smart Goggles

Smart Goggles

We’re only a few months into 2008, and it’s already turning out to be quite the year for technological breakthroughs, from Orgasmatrons to Rinspeed sQubas. With these modern marvels and more, we are well on our way into…THE FUTURE. Great job, world - keep it up.

Next on the horizon are Cyber Goggles that capture video and utilize image recognition.

From Pink Tentacle:

“Researchers at the University of Tokyo have developed a smart video goggle system that records everything the wearer looks at, recognizes and assigns names to objects that appear in the video, and creates an easily searchable database of the recorded footage. Designed to function as a high-tech memory aid, these ‘Cyber Goggles’ promise to make the act of losing your keys a thing of the past, according to head researcher professor Tatsuya Harada.

Awesome, awesome, awesome. At this rate, we are gonna have flying robot cars in like, four months. Keep your fingers crossed, Earth!

The Daily Shocker: $1 Million Dollar Billz, Y’all!

The Daily Shocker

Pittsburgh moron first tries to cash in a $1 million dollar bill at a local shop, then proceeds to reach for the store’s scanner gun to retaliate when it’s not accepted. What, is this guy from the year 2066 or something? (Pittsburgh Tribune)

Svedka Vodka: a favorite among jobless, useless New York socialites. (College Candy)

Caution to every male in the United States: if you drink and swear around kids in public you will get arrested. I guess “fun” has been banned in Florida. (Herald Tribune)

According to statistics teacher’s verbal abuse leads to early sex. So, kids - wanna get laid? Get in trouble more often at school. Duh. (The Star)

Cocaine washed ashore has been quite the catch for poor fishermen. (Guardian)

Indians Eliminate Yankees - Torre to Step Down?

Joe TorreAfter a topsy-turvy season, the New York Yankees have been eliminated from the playoffs by the Cleveland Indians. Historically, outside of baseball, Yanks losing to Indians is irony at its best.

The Indians will move forward to face the red-hot Boston Red Sox for the ALCS.

The question on everybody’s mind: what is the future of Joe Torre and the Yankees?

The answer: if George Steinbrenner isn’t happy, nobody’s happy.

Steinbrenner has mentioned on many occasions that Torre would be replaced if the Yankees were eliminated in the early stages of the playoffs; that day has come.

The top prospects to replace Torre would be Florida Marlins’ magicmaker Joe Girardi - he took his team from rock bottom to a respectable middleground with rookies and a low payroll - or Larry Bowa, the Yankees current third-base coach.

No matter what happens to Torre, nothing can tarnish his 12-year legacy: 4 World Series titles in his first 5 years of coaching the Yanks, 2-time AL Manager of the Year, etc.

With that said, go Red Sox!

Naked Guy Breaks in Nicholas Cage’s Mansion and…Tries on a Leather Jacket

Nicolas Cage

Nude burglar breaks in Nic Cage’s house, dons his national treasure. (Yahoo)

The smoke from a restaurant’s Chili sauce causes panic in the streets. (Times Online)

John Walters from the Office of National Drug Control Policy claims “success” in the War on Drugs. Not according to my bong… (BBC News)

Man attempting to kill a wasp kills his house. (WSBTV)

Woman drives stolen car to visit boyfriend at prison. Hilarity ensues. (KomoTV)

TV reporter whacks man with shovel to test revolutionary super foam. No need to wait, humankind: THE FUTURE IS NOW. (Breitbart)

If It Makes You Happy…

Surprise!Kids our age aren’t as downright angry at the world as everyone previously thought! We aren’t totally disaffected and kind of care about the world! AND we REALLY love our microwaves!

I haven’t quite decided if this MTV/AP poll that was just released is dead on about our generation (or the way 13-24 year olds think in general) or total bullshit. They only polled around 1,300 of us, making the margin percentage error about plus or minus 3%.

There are a bunch of different news articles that are using the survey to make a general consensus of what makes us happy… that are parents do and that money does not. But, after reading through the WHOLE thing, this is what I found most interesting:

Drinking makes us very happy, somewhat happy and neither happy nor unhappy…which means, we like to drink! (SURPRISE!)

Sports, sex and religion make us happy! So do our parents! Read More »