God Hates My Fantasy Football Team

So I got the 5th pick in my draft this year. I was poised and ready to go, but like any draft I only got half of the guys I wanted. Among my top picks were Brady, Young (as a back up), Alge Crumpler, Dante Stallworth, Javon Walker, Joseph Addai, Dallas Clark, and Laurence Maroney.

Then God struck.

All of the above been smited down by the almighty, except for Maroney - who was smited down by Bill Belichick. PLAY HIM YOU BASTARD!!! Screw Sammy Morris and put him in the game…AHHHHHH!!!!! …whewh…ok…

I understand Bilichick being a douche to me, but why you God? Why not strike down mediocre players who strut too much or talk too loud. So, Lord, here are my suggestions… Read More »

5 Awful Sleeping Habits of a Random Hook-up

Being the sexually active, irresponsible college student that I am, I’ve gone home with my fair share of random girls, and over the past couple of years I’ve come across some sleeping habits that annoy the hell out of me. Nothing is worse than having a peaceful night’s sleep ruined by your hookup’s uncontrollable unconscious tendencies.

These night time nuisances can also lead to a couple of sticky situations. If you’re at her place you can always leave, but what if you’re miles from home and it’s four in the morning and you don’t feel like walking and don’t have the number for a cab? What do you do then? And if you’re at your place how should you handle it? Do you wake her ass up and hope she doesn’t start again when she falls back to sleep, or can you just kick someone out at that point? Is it really that mean if you call and pay for a cab? There’s also the high road; sacrifice your night’s sleep, suck it up and wait for morning when she’ll wake up and leave on her own.

The worst part is, you can’t look at a person and guess that these are coming, no matter the size, shape, or color of the girl anyone could potentially be an awful bed partner, and rarely do they warn you that something might be coming. That should be a common courtesy, like warning someone that you have HPV.

But I digress. Anyway, here are five habits that annoy me more than most: Read More »

The Boston Celtics Got F—’n Drunk Last Night

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The Boston Celtics Got F—’n Drunk Last Night

A Mix Tape of the Most Musically Inept Actors

Nikki Griffin: A New American Smokeshow…

Boston Celtics’ Hooligans Smash Windows For Fun

Awesome Treadmill Ownage

The Life of a College Cocktease

Songs You Should Never Hear At A Bar

Rihanna and Taylor Swift… mmmm!

They Just Laugh

Note To Self: Don’t Play With Lighter Fluid

The Top Five Defining Albums of My Youth

Why God? Whyyyyyy? [NSFW Ads]

Bacon Flavored Dental Floss

Use My Computer is Back In Action

The Daily Shocker: Swedish Babes Fight for the Right to be Topless

topless girl swedish

In the words of Ragnhild Karlsson, advocate for going topless at beaches: “If women are forced to wear a top, shouldn’t men also have to?” AMEN.

A-Rod is named the American League M.V.P. as expected, gets a bajillion more dollars.

The Amazon Kindle hopes to bring ebooks to the masses. Judging only by the Kindle’s late-80s look, it’s gonna be a long, hard road.

Kirk Cameron is out to prove that God is real. If Growing Pains was any indication of His existence, God is a spiteful, merciless being indeed.

Why should kids in school spread joy and give Christmas cards to each other when they can spend their days and nights living in fear?

Plump up your Thanksgiving turkey with some real tasty stuffing.