Happy New Year, you sloppy effing lush!  Yes, the clock has turned and the ball has dropped and your head is effing pounding from the stupid mixture of bullsh*t shots, champagne and whatever else got placed in your hand last night.   Sure, it sounded like a good idea at the time.   I mean, it wasn’t 1999, but if your like us here at COED, it’s balls deep or not at all.

So, now that the parties over and you’ve hugged the porcelain throne more times than your favorite MeeMaw gasping for air on her death bed, it’s time to get yourself feeling like half a human again.  Here are 9 fool-proof New Year’s Hangover Cures that promise to get you moving back in the right direction.

If there’s one thing that nearly every nation in nearly every corner in the world has in common, it’s a deep rooted history in getting sh*tfaced. Be you Mexican, Russian, Chinese or Polish, chances are that you love to drink, your parents love to drink, and your kids sure as hell better love to drink too. Alcoholism? Hardly! This is cultural heritage.

And just as every country has its preferred method of administering God’s medicine (Russians have vodka, Japanese have sake, Mexicans have mezcal, Irish have all of the above) every country also has its preferred method of fending off the debilitating morning sickness that a healthy night of drinking ensures. As you might expect, they range from common sense remedies like strong coffee or tea, to… tripe soup.

Yup, the favored hangover remedy of the country of Romania is tripe (cow stomach) soup. It’s like Gatorade, just with less electrolytes and more animal intestines. Germans choose pickled herring to chase the morning blues, Mexicans favor shrimp and shellfish, Russians take a trip to the sauna while chewing some leafy birch branches to get the blood flowing, and Japanese chew on pickled plums to cure their morning sickness. So, basically, never go drinking in Romania…

(Image: National Geographic)

(Click Thumbnail for Recipe)

We’ve all been there…sworn off drinking tequila ever again after a hard night out and a few too many peer-pressure-induced shots of Cuervo Gold. But the truth is, it’s not tequila’s fault. It’s Jose’s.

For years Cuervo has been literally shoving Gold Mixto down our throats and calling it tequila. A true tequila is made from 100% agave and often aged. A gold mixto tequila is usually made with less than 50% agave, blended with sugar water, non-aged and colored with caramel. It is the mixto that will make your throat squelch and mouth water with only a wiff.

Today there are a more than a handful of 100% agave tequilas on the market that aim to remove the stigma that has followed tequila around like an annoying little step-brother. Brands like Patron, Casa Noble and Don Julio (yes, Cuervo does too) offer incredibly smooth and flavorful Blanco, Anejo and Reposado- 100% agave tequilas.

Whether you sip it, shoot it, or mix it… it’s time to give tequila another chance. Here are 8 cool ways you have most certainly never had tequila before. (Click on a drink above to see how it’s made)

Remember the last time you drank a case of beer, half a bottle of tequila, four cups of jungle juice, and hated yourself for it in the morning? Yeah, well now you’re really going to regret it. A study by the American Heart Association (AHA) found that heavy drinkers have double the chances of developing heart disease, compared to moderate drinkers.

The culprit of the problem comes from an increase in something called a C-reactive protein (CRP), which marks inflamation in the body, increases of which can lead to cardiovascular problems. “Moderate drinkers,” or those who drink only two to five drinks at a time, one or two days a week, have half the CRP levels of those who drink in greater execess. Read more

Everyone I’ve ever met has a dark past with tequila. Just the mention of it makes their face go sour–the shots, the smell, the blinding drunk, and a hellacious hangover the next morning. For some reason, I am not one of those people. But after my family vacation to Mexico last week, I learned a bit about another South-of-the-Border brew: Mezcal.

Like tequila (which is actually a type of mezcal), mezcal is made from agave, a cactus-like plant, native to Mexico. Mezcals are often aged, in oak barrels, for two months to seven years, giving the alcohol a brown coloration and woody flavor, but are available un-aged and clear.

Connoisseurs will tell you the best mezcals come from the Mexican state of Oaxaca (wah-hock-ah). To fully enjoy the complexities of this subtle liquor, go to the city of Oaxaca, the state’s capital, who’s colonial architecture and friendly people only add to the liquor’s historic mystic. Read more

Billionaire Margarita       Bloody Maria              Jalisco Express             Caipri-Julio

        DJ’s Delight         La Paloma Suprema     Top Shelf Long Island     Morning Breeze

We’ve all been there… sworn off drinking tequila ever again after a hard night out and a few too many peer-pressure-induced shots of Cuervo Gold. But the truth is, it’s not tequila’s fault. It’s Jose’s.

For years Cuervo has been literally shoving Gold Mixto down our throats and calling it tequila. A true tequila is made from 100% agave and often aged. A gold mixto tequila is usually made with less than 50% agave, blended with sugar water, non-aged and colored with caramel. It is the mixto that will make your throat squelch and mouth water with only a wiff.

Today there are a more than a handful of 100% agave tequilas on the market that aim to remove the stigma that has followed tequila around like an annoying little step-brother. Brands like Patron, Casa Noble and Don Julio (yes, Cuervo does too) offer incredibly smooth and flavorful Blanco, Anejo and Reposado- 100% agave tequilas.

Whether you sip it, shoot it, or mix it… it’s time to give tequila another chance. Here are 8 cool ways you have most certainly never had tequila before. (Click on a drink above to see how it’s made)

I enjoy Budweiser as much as the other guy, but Natural Ice should wipe it out of existence. Why go for the best when you can go for the…rest?

Natural Ice (Nasty Ice; Natty Ice for the enlightened) is Bud without the working-man’s price (read: tailor-made for college). A 12-pack costs as much as most sixers and gets you off-the-rocker drunk.

If you drink to get wasted, wasted you will get.

With some beers it’s necessary to break down the distinct taste, aroma and head - not with Natty. This budget brew contains more alcohol than regular beers (5.9), not to mention packing a taste reminiscent of skunked Bud and whorish sweat. Funny enough, hangovers are almost non-existent.

Head? Don’t offend Natty that way. This ain’t no precious micro-brew; this is distilled party piss with hops.

The greatest asset Natural Ice has going for it is the miraculous flavor-change that happens when you’re over 6-beers deep. Not only does it then taste exactly like Bud, but it goes down as easy as spring water. Read more

President George W. Bush, in a last-minute attempt to drum up some sort of approval, states that if Iran goes nuclear we could be in for World War III. (Breitbart)

Rock of Love’s Heather talks about…being Rock of Love’s Heather. (College Candy)

According to Google studies the phrase “hangover” is searched more in Ireland, United States and United Kingdom than anywhere else on the globe. White, English-speaking societies: the most drunkest of them all. (Reuters)

“Baby Jessica” - you know, that little girl who fell down the well - 20 years later, passes go and collects over 1 million dollars. The countdown begins until the “Baby Jessica” Maxim photoshoot. (MSNBC)

Are you a skinny, short man at 5′0″ and 150 pounds who needs to hide his identity when robbing a place? I recommend cross-dressing. Are you a tall, burly man at 6′3″ and 300 pounds? Need to hide your identity when robbing a place? Uh… (WTMJ)

Summer is here! Time to whip out the bathing suit, hop in the pool and follow all of that fun with a perfect night of getting waaaaaaaaaaaaaaasted.

Which all sounds awesome until you wake up in the morning with the worst hangover of all time. After running to the bathroom to puke a twice and promising God that you will never drink again if he lets you make it through this pain, you return to your bed and contemplate just what will make this horrible feeling end.

Unfortunately, you are fresh out of Vicodin.

Lucky for you, there are other ways to get rid of the spins/headache/dry mouth/sore muscles/anything else that comes along with a hangover (besides the smokey smell in your hair and ugly dude lying next to you). Read more