Brew Review: Old Milwaukee

Old MilwaukeeBlech. Even writing about Old Milwaukee conjures up visions of pit-fires down at “The Quarry” back in high-school.

(Oh, Iris - come back to me, my darling…)

It’s funny: I’m a big-fan of cheapo beer when the mood hits, but Old Milwaukee just turns my stomach. Maybe it’s that I’ve been weaned on the skunked taste of Natty Ice, but I find absolutely no reason to throw back one of these bogus brews.

Ah, the taste: Old Milwaukee tastes like month-old Budweiser and year-old corn flakes. Nice, right? Yeah…it’s not so nice when you attempt to down one while stone-cold sober. As a pre-game beer it’s just plain bad - after a few forced swigs I wanted to go home, curl up with a good book and quit drinking altogether.

“The Beast?” Give me a break. Read More »

The Big Girl Epidemic

Heidi Montag“Does Your Girlfriend Act Her Age?” tells us that “the women you date should behave—and look—like grown-ups, not characters from High School Musical.” It also explains that with each new episode of The Hills,Gossip Girls and each new tabloid story “chronicling the dysfunction of the Lindsays, Britneys, Nicoles, Heidis, and Laurens” this grown-up type of woman gets harder and harder to find.

I get the feeling that a lot of women are dressing and acting that way because they think that that’s what guys want,” says Jean Twenge, associate professor of psychology at San Diego State University and author of Generation Me, a book about American youth culture. “It’s the same thing as older women getting plastic surgery. The idea is that what men want is a woman who looks 18. Although they don’t usually want a woman who acts 18.” Twenge laughs, then adds, “And that’s where the problem comes in.”

“I’ve been meditating on the question of why women in their twenties seem to be obsessed with all things teen—fashion, slang, gossip, et cetera,” says Anastasia Goodstein, publisher of ypulse.com, a marketing website. “The reality is that teen culture has come to define pop culture.”

As the usual markers of American adulthood—marriage, career, kids—get more and more delayed, the simple-minded distractions of adolescence have extended their grip on the adult brain.
Read More »

Would You Like A Condom With That Loan, Sir?

condom

If you live in Thailand and feel a little embarrassed about buying condoms, just take out a home loan.

Kasikorn Bank recently launched a “condoms for confidence? campaign at around 60 branches in Thailand, hoping free prophylactics will help raise awareness of HIV/AIDS in the “generally conservative? country.

An unidentified bank spokesman explained the thinking behind “condoms for confidence? was the revival of a government awareness campaign that has “fizzled out?, leaving many Thai teenagers in the dark about sexual awareness. Read More »

Hooters: Eat Fried Food, Feel the Misery

Hooters Girls

Hooters? Depressing? You don’t say. All I’ve ever had to do was take a look at the horrible orange and white paint job adorning the outside of most Hooters restaurants to know those places are a bevy of bad taste and depression.

Oh yeah, and fifteen year olds.

In my town, Hooters was the place adolescent boys with fake IDs and too much cologne spent their Friday nights when no one their own age would date them.

Hooters was the place high school’s biggest assholes went to feel superior to women who would never look at them in real life, as well as the place a friend’s friend once tried to work at but quit after some perv threw a popcorn shrimp at her boobs.

In conclusion: Hooters is drenched in grossness. Read More »

This Just In: The Dodge Ram is a Uterus

The dudes over at Truckblogs (no, I don’t usually frequent a site dedicated to all things vehicle, I was given the address by a friend) think they’ve discovered the secret behind that Dodge ram symbol.

According to these dudes who like cars, the symbol is way more feminine than anyone has ever given it credit for.

I only wish this graphic had been around while I was still in high school, so I could stick it to the dashboard of all those obnoxious guys who revved their engines in the school parking lot at 7:15 AM.

…Nothing strikes more fear into a high school boy than the inner workings of a woman’s vagina.

American Pie: A Journey Through College

American Pie

In 1999, a phenomenal event occurred that forever changed the way people look at pastry: American Pie debuted in movie theaters.

American Pie is the story of a group of friends consisting of awkward Jim (Jason Biggs), Oz the jock (Chris Kline), Kevin (Thomas Ian Nicholas) in a serious relationship with Tara Reid, the sly Finch (Eddie Kaye Thomas), and resident asshole Stifler (Sean William Scott). The boys are in their senior year of high school and have embarked on a quest to get laid before prom night. Hilarious hijinks accompany their pursuit.

Along the way we meet many characters: the sexy foreign exchange student Nadia (Shannon Elizabeth) who prompts Jim to blow his load a little early in front of a live audience on the internet; Stifler’s hot mom, who becomes Finch’s conquest; Michelle (Alyson Hannigan), who becomes Jim’s girlfriend and sticks her flute where the sun doesn’t shine; and in my opinion the one who steals the show, Eugene Levy as Jim’s Dad who buys him pornography and catches him doing a pie.
Read More »