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Survival Guide to Avoiding the ‘Guido Fist Pump’
August 16, 2007 - 2:00 pm
It’s summer time and most New Yorkers, like myself book it to the shore for the weekends. I personally head down to the Jersey shore as it’s in close proximity to NYC and because I haven’t reached baller status and simply can’t afford the lush Hamptons (Though if you have a house and would like to put me up, I can be reached at 212-660-2245. I’ll bring the booze).
Now before you start breaking out those dirty Jersey jokes hear me out. No, New Jersey isn’t covered with trash, no not everybody lives off the Garden State Parkway and no it isn’t the armpit of America. It’s a great state, with a lot going for it. I do have one major problem with my state though. Lately, it seems that wherever I seem to go, I’m confronted with an overwhelming amount of Fist Pumping Guido’s. I constantly find myself surrounded by roided out men with fake tans, extra small Gucci and Armani t-shirts and blow-outs that make Andrew Dice Clay look cool. Wow, and don’t get me started with the fist pumping. For those that are unaware, a fist pumper is a Guido that by nature feels a sense of urgency and duty to move his fist up and down in the air – creating a continuous pumping motion. What I had originally had thought to be a trend it seems they never got the memo from ’96 - that this trend went out of style faster than the collar pop. So like many, I’ve had to look for ways to avoid this rare, yet heavily populated breed. When going out, if you live by these 3 rules, you’ll be Guido free in no time. Read More »
Your Typical NJ Guido
August 9, 2007 - 12:00 pm
Urban Dictionary definition of a “Guido”: An Italian American man usually residing in New York or New Jersey. He wears shirts that are too tight and unbuttoned 5 buttons too low to show off the chest that he spent hours and hours at the gym obtaining, he spends more time on his hair than his girlfriend, and continues to “hit the clubs” long into his mid to late 30’s. Often attracted to the female version of himself, the guidette.
Go down the Jersey Shore and in every direction you will see “Guidos” sexually harassing everything that moves. For those of you living in East Bumble-f*uck, PA who don’t know what a “Guido” looks like I’ve included a photo below that breaks down the style of your average NJ Guido.
(Click to see full blown image) Image from photobucket user: chuckhenning
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