The Perfect Storm: How Gustav Helps McCain

As I write this, the Republican National telethon Convention has officially started. Following Obama and the Democrats, the Republicans began their convention Monday–albeit hindered “because of hurricane Gustav.” But convention coverage has barely broken the exhilarating stranglehold of natural disaster in the mainstream media. Those silly bastards just can’t shut up about the hurricane(s), something that affects only a small portion of the national population. And while it might seem like some small tragedy–and somehow unfair–that the Repubs won’t get as much coverage as the Democrats, don’t be fooled.

This is the best bit of stratagem by the Republicans since Newt Gingrich and the spooge-stained dress. While the 24-hour news channels focuse on the impending doom of Hurricane Gustav and incoming Hanna, McCain and “friends” have taken the opportunity to release some of the most damning information about the Palin pick, saving them countless voters-worth of embarrassment. Here are all the reasons Gustav, Hanna and the rest of the storms are good for the Republicans this week, very good… Read More »

Obama…Biden…Vice President…Right Choice?

We think so. Not that our word is worth jack - we know chicks, boobs, liquor and sports…and we know them well. However, given the recent sh*t storm of the Russian/Georgian conflict, even we knew this was coming.

Let’s go down the list of necessary qualifications: Biden has been known to cross partisan lines in the past (Check) ; He has more international experience than almost every other senator (Check); He is an older white guy that redneck southerners can say they voted for (Check); He is not Hillary Clinton (question mark).

On paper and in person, Joe Biden could be the smartest Vice-Presidential pick in recent history. Anyone who listens to him talk thinks back to the days of old school leaders, not politicians or beaurocrats. The question is now, will it be enough. McCain’s “Straight-talk Express” is driving him right back into the race, and if he announces his VP soon, we can have ourselves a pretty decent race on our hands.

Breaking News: Obama to Announce George Clooney as VP

In an improbable turn of events, Barack Obama seems to have gone crazy, and decided on George F’ing Clooney as his vice presidential running mate for the White House. According to a high ranking Obama staffer, the candidate made the decision after speaking with the Actor and political activist late Friday night in a Beverly Hills Mansion. Clooney flew back from his Lake Como, Italy villa specifically for the meeting.

“Celebrities have enormous power with the American people,” the spokesman, who wished to remain anonymous, told us early Saturday. “They have money, fame and a way to get the message out to millions of people–George Clooney best represents that community.” Read More »

Which Presidental Candidate Would Best Handle An Alien Invasion?

If the United States of America was invaded by aliens which Presidential candidate would we want at the helm?

This could be one of the most important questions of the 2008 election; they just discover water on Mars and the aliens are coming. And since Bill Pulman’s character from Independance Day is not an option you must visit Asylum.com where they break down the pros and cons of the issue.

Who would be a better president during an alien invasion?

Obama vs. McCain: Tax Proposals Made Simple

These days, common knowledge suggest that any Republican will cut taxes, any Democrat will raise them. And this election year is no different. Sen. John McCain has said that there will be no new taxes, only tax cuts, under a McCain presidency. Obama, on the other hand, says that he will only raise taxes on those making the most amount of money–those who benefit most from our economy should also invest the most back in, his logic goes.

But how much of this is talk and how much might actually result in more cash in your pocket? Luckily for us all, the Washington Post has put together an easy-to-read chart that tells you exactly what each candidate’s proposed plan means for your wallet. The information in this chart comes from a recent analysis of the Tax Policy Center, a project from the Urban Institute and the Brookings Institution. Read More »

The Youth Vote: We Can Be Bought

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A growing sense of disdain for Dubya didn’t cut it. Being able to register at the DMV just didn’t do the trick either. P. Diddy couldn’t get us to do it, for Christ’s sake. So just what will it take to seriously win the youth vote? We are, after all, 20 million strong and dammit we deserve to be wooed!

I, for one, would like to see an increase in, shall we say, “game” from candidates both blue and red. McCain, obviously, has taken a step toward this lofty goal by recruiting the support of one of our high holy leaders. Sorry, Obama, that you have neglected to secure such a prestigious pledge of loyalty from the chosen generation (us, duh) but feel free to borrow any of these gems that I think would increase voter turnout for those of the youthful persuasion. You see gentlemen, the key to our hearts is to manipulate our basic dependence upon the following:

Natty Lite
Slap some platform positions on the back of those bad boys and cover up the saddening nutrition facts–we don’t need to see that anyways. I consider this a double-edged sword. Not only would the important issues be readily at hand (provided you go coozie-less), but additionally, voters can appreciate the conversational lubrication that is cheap beer. As inspiring as 4.2% alcohol can be to philosophical convos (if you drink, don’t EVEN pretend you’ve never been there post bar crawl!) that stuff takes a while to imbibe, making those discussions last just a wee bit longer. Now that a pseudo intellectual discush has gone down, both candidates have enjoyed spirited (literally) debate over their issues that should inspire sober consideration come November. Read More »

Vanity Fair Spoofs Obama New Yorker Cover

The good folks of Condé Nast are having a good ol’ time with all the publicity garnered from last week’s controversial New Yorker cover cartoon, which depicts Sen. Barack Obama and his wife Michelle as terrorists infiltrating the White House. So, to spoof their downstairs neighbors, Vanity Fair has created a cover of their own. This time it’s a (believably) geriatric McCain. But which one is better satire? You decide:

Which cover wins?

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Follow The Money: McCain to Pick Mitt Romney As Running Mate

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Sen. John McCain will choose businessman and former Massachusetts Governor, Mitt Romney as Vice President, in his bid for the White House this November, a source closely connected with the McCain campaign, who asked to remain anonymous, told us earlier this afternoon.

Though others were close in the running, the choice ultimately came down to the money–not the man. According to our source, the campaign narrowed their Vice Presidential options to Mike Huckabee and Mitt Romney, the two most successful opponents of McCain in the bid for the Republican nomination. But despite Huckabee’s sway with far Right conservatives and evangelical voters, Romney packs the deepest fund-raising pockets. Read More »

Al Gore (Finally) Endorses Barack Obama

Al Gore

In an email sent out this afternoon, former Vice President, Oscar-winner and Nobel Peace Prize laureate, Al Gore endorsed Sen. Barack Obama for President of the United States. His endorsement comes long after most would consider relevant, since the choice is now down to only Sen. Obama and Sen. McCain, a Republican.

The email comes a few hours before the former VP and the Democratic Presidential hopeful take the stage together at 8:30pm [EST] in Detroit, Michigan. The rally will be broadcast live via streaming video, available at BarackObama.com.

This is definitnely a key endorsement (imagine if it went to McCain…), but it’s not like most didn’t see it coming. [BarackObama.com]

Check out the full email after the jump! Read More »