Straight from the network’s million-dollar mouth:

“There will be a press conference this afternoon announcing that the Globes Awards ceremony will not go on. Here is the plan:
At 9 PM there will be a press conference covered by NBC News announcing the Golden Globe winners. (9pm-10pm)
At 8 PM, we are negotiating with Dick Clark Enterprises for a one-hour retrospective/clip show.
At 7 PM, we will air a Dateline with clips and interviews with nominees. (Currently scheduled to air for two hours on Saturday night.)
At 10 PM, we will broadcast an “Access Hollywood” style, Golden Globes party show…visiting the various parties in Hollywood”

OH NO! What ever shall we do without an awards show with high production values where celebrities’ applaud each other for their brave acting choices? How can we live without red-carpet events that salute the overpaid, overanalyzed and overrated?

But don’t fret yet, pop-culture lovers: the Golden Globes are only being “scaled back.” It all seems a bit suspect, seeing that three-hours worth of clips, irrelevant interviews and “party clips” from Tinseltown’s biggest parties is hardly considered trimming content.

The WGA has won the battle! Oh wait, I just remembered: nobody cares about these award shows, outside of the talent nominated and fanboys obsessed with celebrity.

For the average Joe who prizes interesting television over whiny, egocentric bitchfests, this is a win-win. Use your time wisely this Sunday, January 13 - don’t drop the ball and tune in, not even for a second. Don’t boycott NBC; boycott the upper-class altogether. If that includes the WGA, so be it.