5 Things to Avoid Telling Your Parents

One of the joys of maturing into responsible adults is the new, more equal relationship we can establish with our parents. It’s cool to be able to grab a brewski at family barbecues (double-y cool because you didn’t have to pay for it), usually leading to an awesome opportunity to sit around and gab with the fam about your hilarious exploits away at school.

This table time can often result in blackmail-worthy anecdotes about your Mom’s coed days from Uncle Bill. Unfortunately, it can also result in HORRIBLE AWKWARDNESS should you overshare and let slip any of the following (I know, I thought they’d be cool with it too):

1) That time you got so drunk at the club that you passed out in the bathroom.
Also not good to share: the fact that your equally wasted friends did not notice your sudden absence, and were alerted to your condition only when the cleaning staff found you at 6 am. This story, while earning you street cred amongst your fellow college lushes (I think it’s hilarious, obv), will not go over well with Mom for various reasons. 1) Contrary to her own experiences in college, she would like to believe that you–her responsible and intelligent son– would never participate in such tomfoolery. 2) She ain’t sending you to school to get drunk.

Best to skip this little tale and save it for a more appropriate time: boasting during “This one time, I was so drunk…” circles. Read More »

Getting “Sexiled” By Your Roommate

sexiled

Getting “Sexiled” By Your Roommate

One day during her freshman year, Yesenia Arellano walked into her dorm room to find her roommate with a guy, just about to have sex.

“He was lying on the bed and she was doing something with her shirt, taking it off or something. I told her, ‘Let me know when you’re done,’ and left,” said Arellano, a second-year biochemistry student.

But this wasn’t anything new for her. In fact, she regularly became a victim of “sexiling,” a casual term that describes kicking a roommate out of the room in order to hook up. [The Daily Bruin]

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Rowling Charges Grads to Accept Failure, Cultivate Imagination

One could forgive J.K. Rowling for mistaking Thursday’s afternoon exercises for a Gryffindor reunion.
Despite a persistent drizzle, a lively audience—including more than its typical share of youngsters—gathered under an assortment of University shields, in Tercentenary Theater, to hear the author of the acclaimed “Harry Potter” series deliver the Commencement address. [Harvard Crimson]

 

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Havard Law to Help Legalize Weed

When most people get caught smoking bud (marijuana) they usually follow a set step procedure:

1. They get angry because the cops just took away their weed.
2. They’re angrier because they realize that they’re going to have to pay a huge fine.
3. And they get even more angry because they can’t understand why smoking responsibly should be illegal.

Then they bite their lip, and pay the fines.

After getting busted with possession by an undercover police officer Richard Cusick and R. Keith Stroup followed the first three steps, but refused to lay down to the law. They have now turned to Harvard Law School professor, Charles R Nesson, for guidance. And they will make the argument that the outlawing of marijuana has no “rational basis.” [CollegeOTR]

Roommate Alien Prank Goes Bad

Chad is terrified of Aliens, so of course his roommates decide to torment him relentlessly at all hours of the night. But eventually the prank goes from funny to freaky.

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Plug In, Tune Out and Fall Asleep with the Sound Asleep Pillow

Sound Asleep Pillow

If you’re anything like me, nothing is better than listening to a favorite album while falling asleep - but that’s hard to accomplish if you dorm is inhabited by a loud, obnoxious roommate. To be perfectly fair, you may be the problem, with your horrible taste in music. While headphones for you (or earplugs for them) offer a quick solution, both choices aren’t optimal. Enter the Sound Asleep Pillow.

I’ve been waiting for an invention like this my whole life: the Sound Asleep Pillow has a built-in speaker (with a phone jack for your iPod/MP3 player, natch) buried deep in the center of the pillow, providing you with the comfort of your music (and your roommate with the comfort of not having to hear it).

You tune in while they tune out. Read More »

How To: Make a Stink Bomb

Stink BombPrank your best friend, enemy, roommate or the entire dorm with an all-time classic - the stink bomb.

Here’s a quick little recipe that’s sure to please. It’s not the quickest prank you could pull, but with a little patience (a week of planning for maximum effect) you will have a nice stinky solution you can use on your victims!

Put this beast in a small dorm room and you will have people yacking upon contact; throw it in the AC duct and they might need to evacuate the entire building.

Do with it what you may, but don’t blame me when you get booted out of school for acting like a 9th grader.

See the rancid recipe after the jump! Read More »

Air Out Your Dorm, You Slob!

Dorm, apartment slob

Ah, to be independent from your parents and siblings - it’s freedom that most college students aren’t ready for, believe it or not. Case in point: you live like a slob ’cause your mom always did your laundry, and your idea of clean is hiding a mess until the smell becomes so repugnant that calling the fumigators may be a lost cause.

Living with like-minded slobs doesn’t help matters. It’s all fun and games until you find yourself less likely to sleep at home and more likely to crash on somebody else’s couch. You have a dorm/apartment so utilize it, you slob!

Here are some convenient and affordable tips to keep your living area clean:

Buy toiletries in bulk

I know the first thing you’re thinking is “What the f*** are toiletries?” Well, “toiletries” is French (or something) for “bathroom stuff” like toilet paper, bathroom spray, shampoo, conditioner, cotton swabs, toothpaste - you know, that stuff you’ve never bought yourself.

Somewhere within a 20 mile radius from your living space is a Wal-Mart, or even better, Sam’s Club. Take a weekend trip with the roomies twice a month to stock up on all the essentials for cheap. If there’s no super-savings store near you - or if you don’t have any source of transportation - ask that guy/gal who goes home every weekend (there’s always one) if they can pick you up a bundle of bathroom stuff. Tip ‘em nice and you’re in the clear with a clear conscience.

One more thing: use the products; don’t just stock them up for show. Read More »

COED Presents: the REAL Dorm Room Essentials

Dorm Room Essentials

Featherbeds, futons, laundry bags, white boards - you don’t need any of them.

They don’t matter; they’re inconsequential in you enjoying time away from your ‘rents house and avoiding embarrassing, CollegeHumor-worthy moments. A spiffy laundry bag from your mom isn’t going to help you through college, let alone getting laid…but these following necessities may.

Your sisters/cousins/friends t-shirt, sweatshirt, etc.

While it’s oh-so-cute to have a girl you bagged the night before decked out in your XL Boston Bruins jersey, know that her outlook may slightly differ than yours. The “Walk of Shame” for her could be either walking home in last night’s outfit or floating around campus in your oversized, off-putting wears - maybe even both. Fix that quick.

It’s not a bad idea to keep a universally-accepted (read: one color, no logo) t-shirt or sweatshirt handy; just say it’s your sisters or cousins or roommates’ sisters’ shirt - whatever makes sense. Of course, only bust out the default “morning after” outfit if she’s worthy. If she’s not worthy (read: she didn’t even give you a HJ) let her walk the plank all by her lonesome. Read More »

Carrot Top is Jacked and Frightening

Carrot TopMy roommate is scared shitless by Carrot Top.

She won’t look at pictures of him, runs from the room if he happens to come on TV, and refuses to even say his name.

She won’t explain her fear, just whispers that “him and a ventriloquist doll are two the scariest things you could ever see at the foot of your bed in the middle of the night.?

While my phobia is not as rampart as hers, I completely understand the fear.

The dude was weird looking even before he started on the ‘roids; now that he’s jacked, he barely resembles a human.

Something is seriously wrong with his face, but it’s hard to tell what. Read More »