Puke’d
My roommate drank too much one night and vomited into the grating on top of my new (and expensive) television set.The next day I asked him to buy me a new one, and he refused. Do I have to urinate
in his computer to make him realize the situation?

I suggest a two-pronged approach. First, try to be nice. Constantly bring up really cool TV shows and then throw in things like, ‘Yeah, we could watch that tonight. Too bad we don’t have a TV.’ Or start listening to really bad music at high volumes. If he complains, just shrug and say, ‘Hey, I’d rather be watching The Daily Show than listening to this Bo Bice tribute band, but I no longer have a TV.’ If that doesn’t work, kill him. I mean, sue him.

Animal Distraction
My college dorm doesn’t allow students to own pets, but I found a need to bring my ferret up to school with me. I hid her in my closet, but she got out and is loose in the dorm! I cannot report that I have a missing ferret. I have tried leaving food out in the hallways but that just attracts stoners. What should I do? Read More »