Top 10 3AM Infomercial Products That Don’t Suck

Infomercials are typically a point of humor for the drunk, high and insomnia-prone. You stumble home from the bar or party at 4am, turn on the TV and laugh at how excited people are over solutions for modern living. But what about the products they sell on infomercials that might actually be worth writing down that impossibly long 800 number.

Through hearsay, our imagination, and some actual experience, here is COED’s list of the 10 products you’ve seen on TV that don’t completely suck.

Check out Top 10 3AM Infomercial Products after the jump!

Magic Bullet Blender

This thing looks like a little toy spaceship or maybe one of those giant plastic pills that supplements are sold in. It does not scream ‘quality’ in appearance. Actually it screams ‘I break when used,’ but I found this product to be pretty resilient when a friend of mine let me make a milkshake with it. He says it cannot be beat for making single server protein shakes and other healthy things that might be a hassle to clean with a larger, clumsier appliance. I’d recommend it for serious gym types who are sick of water and protein in a shaker bottle.

Shamwow

This ad is awesome and hilarious. Guy wearing headset for no reason? Check. Polo shirt with Shamwow logo? Check. Talking to the camera man? Check. It has all the makings of a great infomercial. Does this product work? Hell yes, it does! But in my opinion Shamwow is overpriced and you can find similar material in most supermarkets and department stores. Shamwow is just a material called Chamois, which is often called a Shammy. Shamwow works but you can buy this shit in bulk and get it cheaper.

Hercules Hook

These things are baller. They totally work and I use them to hang pictures in all types of shitty materials (drywall). I’ve never attempted to hang shelves with them but I do know they hold better and create less mess then straight up drywall screws. Also, they are made by Billy Mays, whose beard is so dark that looking directly into it causes a complete loss of ego.

Mighty Putty

Another Bill Mays product, Mighty Putty is a ridiculous strong adhesive that is activated when the customer kneads the green and white materials together. Unfortunately for Billy you can buy this stuff in a hardware store for similar or lower prices. Any adhesive that looks similar to this and needs to be mixed will work in similar fashion. I actually used a similar adhesive to create a watertight enclosure for a camera. It works, but ordering it in the mail might be a waste of precious adhering time.

Popeil Pocket Fisherman

Ok, I was totally against this thing because it doesn’t make sense to me, logically. When you think fishing, you think annoying to use, hi-tech, expensive equipment - not thirty-dollar piece of plastic the size of your hand. I’m still not totally sold on it, but my friend swears he’s pulled plenty of fish out of his local lake and says its perfect for some casual casting from a dock or off a rowboat.

Grabit

This is a really useful timesaver for anyone who does a lot of carpentry or any activity that involves a lot of screws. Basically, screws get f**ked up sometimes. Actually, they get f**ked up all the time. So instead of snapping the thing off or just giving up, this magical product allows you to drill a hole in the end of any stripped screw and pull it out, no problem. I’ve used the Grabit in almost ever major builing project I’ve done. Definitely worth the $19.95.

Oxi-Clean Foam

No idea how this Billy Mays product works or whats in it, but it will clean the absolute sh*t out of anything. Don’t use it on delicate materials though. With great power comes the risk to totally f**k up stuff with Billy May’s secret chemical mixture.

Bug Zapper

Ok, this is cool, but dangerous. This is like a tennis racket, except you put batteries in it and then it zaps the shit out of bugs. Ya, I know. ‘But that can be abused easily, can’t it?’ You’re asking. ‘Absolutely,’ I reply. Do not show this to your friend who can’t be trusted because you do not want to get shocked by this. It is 9.99, so it probably won’t kill you, but it’ll f**k your day up. That said, swatting big bugs with it is awesome - and bugs are attracted to the sound is makes, so all you have to do is sit and wait.

Little Giant

This ladder is really expensive and I’ve never used it but this commercial forced me to watch it. The ladder can do a bunch of crazy crap and basically will be the last ladder you ever own. I don’t know man, it’s just crazy, look at it.

Green Bags

Important for people who like to eat healthy but don’t always have the time to run to the supermarket. These vacuum bags do keep veggies fresh for longer, but again you can find any food vacuum bag and it’ll work the same. No need to wait for these in the mail.

(All images via asseeonontv.com)

19 Comments

  1. Happy Harry says :

    the best one ever really is Life Alert

  2. K says :

    ProActiv is another AMAZING “seen on TV” product that really does work!

  3. allie says :

    I love the bullet but i broke mine .. i didnt put the blades in properly and it shreded the bottom of them. :(

  4. Kati says :

    Green bags aren’t vacuum bags. You just put the food in and twist close.

  5. Samantha says :

    My vibrator is called a magic bullet…. therefore, I cannot bring myself to buy the product above because it’s just too awkward.

  6. chris says :

    I have a little giant and it is as useful as advertised. I recommend them fully but you can find pretty good copycats at the big box stores for less. Can’t vouch for the quality or the country of manufacture on the copycats. Little Giant is made in the USA.

  7. Alison says :

    IMHO the magic bullet fucking sucks.

  8. Leene says :

    I have a bug zapper :D Its cool but not dangerous :) I have tried touching it.. zzap :)

  9. Edward says :

    The Magic Bullet, Shamwow, Mighty Puddy, and Green Bags are all sold at Bed Bath & Beyond. Just saying, since the “waiting to arrive in the mail” argument against was used a lot.

  10. Billy Mays says :

    What would happen if you took all of Billy Mays’ products and combined them into a super-cleaning, super-adhering, super-supporting product? The end of all other market competition, that’s what.

  11. ME says :

    You can buy most of that stuff in retail stores much cheaper. Stores like Bed Batha nad Beyond, Linens N Things, sometimes even Wally World. And they’re much cheaper that the TV price

  12. Carrie says :

    I have the mighty putty and it sucks, I tried fixing my lamp with it, it dried then crumbled, tried it on the arm of my chair, same thing happened dried then crumbled, tried to hang my plastic yes a cheap plastic toilet paper holder on the wall, it fell off twice!!!

  13. BLM says :

    I used another brand equivalent of Mighty Putty from my local hardware store to patch a hole in the porcelaine of my toilet bowl. It worked like magic. Have used it around the house for many different things with 99% success.

  14. Susan says :

    The Shamwow is duley named. In the movie “Funny Games”, the lady of the house spills some kind of liquid and we see her grab for the closest “absorbant” material … which happens to be the SHAMWOW! It didn’t seem to do the trick as she had to pass over this 1 foot wide puddle a few times …

  15. Kim says :

    The green bags actually really suck. My tomatoes lasted longer in a bowl in the fridge than they did in those bags. As for ProActiv, that product is a piece of crap. I used it for 6 months and all it did was dry my skin out and make me break out even more. I went from having a few blemishes in my t-zone to having my chin covered in zits. I have finally gotten rid of most of them with drug store products. I wrote to ProActiv about their faulty product and never heard anything back. I have also heard from people that those Shamwows are shit too.

  16. Myghostflorence says :

    lol @ the bug zapper.

    I shocked my best friend with one on purpose. She fell to the ground. It was awesome.

  17. just me says :

    I bought the Shamwow.Once you start washing them they lose they’re “magic”.Don’t absorb as well,leave lint all over.Viva works just as well!

  18. netmw says :

    I found Harriet Carter a great place to find unique gifts As found on TV. My brother loves the Grill Daddy i got him for his birthday!

  19. Consumer says :

    Billy Mays is a scam-artist. People who buy this junk are stupid.
    Bug Zapper was always in stores.
    I once Mighty Puddied my dick to the couch and The fire department had to be called. Don’t try this. Don’t buy this.

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  1. [...] Top 10 3AM Infomercial Products That Don’t Suck September 30, 2008 - 11:30 am , By COED Staff [...]

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